Lois Griffin: You know, it would be fun to write some new songs.
Stewie Griffin: You know what else is fun? Watching "Mr. Belvedere" without people talking so loud.
Lois Griffin: So I was thinking we could...
Stewie Griffin: [loudly singing] STREAKS ON THE CHINA NEVER MATTERED BEFORE! WHO CARED! WHEN YOU DROP-KICKED YOUR JACKET, WHEN YOU CAME THROUGH THE DOOR, NO ONE GLARED!
Stewie Griffin: [sighs] Trying to watch "Mr. Belvedere".
Chris Griffin: So, my advice to the two of you would be...
Stewie Griffin: [loudly singing] ACCORDING TO OUR NEW ARRIVAL, LIFE IS MORE THAN MERE SURVIVAL. AND WE JUST MIGHT LIVE THE GOOD LIFE YET. DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DUN-DA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-NA-DA-NA-NA-DA!
Brian Griffin: All we need is one incriminating entry in this date book and that's our ticket to...
[Brian and Stewie notice Peter and Lois lying on the couch, nude]
Peter Griffin: Hey, Brian. What's up?
Brian Griffin: Uh, hi, uh, Lois... Peter.
Brian Griffin: Brian, did you know this couch was here? It's so comfortable!
Peter Griffin: Hey, Lois! Look how short Stewie is.
Peter Griffin: He's so short.
Lois Griffin: Oh, my God! He IS short.
[both laugh hysterically]
Lois Griffin: Hey. Hey, Brian. He's knocking on the back door. What should I do?
Brian Griffin: What?
Lois Griffin: He's knocking on the back door. Should I let him in? I'm a-scared!
Stewie Griffin: Well, uh, you two are busy being nude. So, uh, we'll just head out and, uh, let you be nude.
Peter Griffin: Who were those guys?
Lois Griffin: I don't know.
Glen Quagmire: Room for one more? Dee dee dee dee dee dee dee!
Stewie Griffin: I feel more delirious than my cousin Stewie Cruise.
Stewie Griffin: [Jumping up and down on Oprah Winfrey's couch] I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm not gay! Go see my new movie! I'm in love with Katie Holmes! I'm not gay!
Peter Griffin: I can't believe we lost the talent show. I wonder where we went wrong?
Chris Griffin: I think I can shed some light on that. You guys were so baked you didn't sound anywhere near as good as you thought you did. I was in the audience.
Lois Griffin: And here we thought the weed was inspiring us.
Chris Griffin: Well, that's a common misconception, Mom and Dad, but the fact is the chief ingredient in marijuana is THC - a mild form of acid, prolonged usage of which can cause adverse effects to your sexual potency, short-term memory loss and can also severely damage your brain tissue, central nervous system and basic motor skills. To put it simply, Mom and Dad, there's a reason they call it "dope".
Stewie Griffin: You're so pretty... You're always pretty.
Mayor Adam West: Jem, you are outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous...