Jimmy: Thanks, Bill.
Bill: Thanks for what, Jim? Thanks for being man enough to bear up to the curse of my overpowering machismo?
Jimmy: Yeah. Thanks for that.
Bill: You're welcome, my friend. You are welcome.
Matthew: Bill. I'm fixin' for another homoerotic adventure on the big muddy.
Dave: Please keep it down. I can't work with all that crunching.
Bill: Well, maybe I can't crunch with all that working, so let's call a truce.
Jimmy: You know that was a load of crap.
Bill: When love is unrequited, the whole world is a load of crap. Dylan Thomas, 1987.
Beth: Desperate phone call: great idea. My ex-boyfriends did it to me all the time.
Lisa: Doesn't it work?
Beth: They usually end up stalking me, so if you're lucky, Catherine might come your fire escape tonight.
Dave: Lisa, I just want you to know that I hate you and I'm telling everyone what you are like in bed.
Catherine Duke: Bill, I'm calling a staff meeting.
Bill: I'm busy.
Catherine Duke: Doing what?
Bill: Helping the good Capt'n get back to the good ship Crunchgoose, or whatever the hell it's called.
Jimmy: Wait a minute! I've read Penthouse letters more believable than that.
Bill: So have I, but it's obvious the woman has the hots for me. Catherine clearly couldn't stand being near me, as she was filled with what the great poets call "manimal lust".
Dave: We're all very proud of you.
Catherine Duke: I'm proud too. Proud to have met all of you. And in all my years in WNYX, what I'm most proud of... is what's happening at my appartment right now.
[Cut to Joe at Catherine's appartment, dressed in a robe and lighting candles; he hears the door opening, so he disrobes and stands in front of the door, completely nude; enter Bill with flowers and a bottle of wine]
Bill: Here's Mister Won...
[Sees Joe naked]
Bill: ... derful.
Catherine Duke: [answering machine] Hello, you've reach Catherine. Leave a message after the beep.
Catherine Duke: Hi, Joe. Hi, Bill. If you're listening to this, then I am the happiest woman in the world.
[laughs, then hangs up]
Bill: [Offers Joe the flowers] I guess these are for you.