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"NewsRadio" Stocks (TV Episode 1996) Poster

(TV Series)

(1996)

Quotes

[Talking about his vacation in Japan]

Matthew: Oh, Dave, oh my, you would-you would have loved it. A week in a foreign place, strange people, strange customs...

Dave: Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I've been to Canada.

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Jimmy: Good, be my guest, but just be careful, all right? Be careful, Beth, because the stock market can be a cruel mistress.

Beth: Okay, don't worry about me.

Jimmy: No, come on, I'm serious here. You be careful, Beath, because the market can be a cruel mistress.

Beth: Well, so can I, but that's not how I wanna make my money any more.

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Bill: Have you ever lost something very dear to you?

Dave: Well, yeah. Yeah, when I was twelve, we had this dog...

Bill: I was thinking more along the lines of a massive sum of cash.

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Bill: [Matthew has given him a Hello Kitty backpack] Oh, Matthew, I can't accept this.

Matthew: Oh, no, please.

Bill: Beause I am neither Japanese, fourteen years old, nor a girl.

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Bill: Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish...

Jimmy: ...and he'll spend all his time in the basement tying flies and neglecting his personal hygiene.

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Bill: Come on, Jimmy. I get in, get out, like a thief in the night.

Jimmy: I do not consort with thieves.

Bill: Well, I'm not actually a thief.

Jimmy: Really? Does that mean you're gonna give Matthew his shoes back?

Bill: When he's ready for them.

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Jimmy: [about a stock ticker] It's like TV, without all those people running around doing stupid stuff with a fake laugh track.

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Jimmy: [explaining to Beth how he chooses some stocks.] See, once a month I sneak a variety of candies into Matthew's desk there --

Beth: Yes.

Jimmy: And so far his reactions have given me an 18 percent increase in my entire consumer goods portfolio.

Beth: Doesn't he wonder how the candy got there?

Jimmy: No, I think in Matthew's world candy elves are a common occurence.

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Lisa: [Dave knocks out the lights by accident with his sword] Dave.

Dave: Yes?

Lisa: I need a new chair.

Joe: [in a faux feminine voice] Woo-ooo. The lights go out and the love talk starts.

Catherine: I wish I had a sweet papa like that.

Dave: Listen, everyone: there, there's absolutely no favoritism at play here, alright?

Lisa: Dave, shut up.

Dave: I am on your side.

Lisa: I know. I just don't think that the time to bring it up is to wave a huge sword around in a dark room.

Catherine: Mmm mm mm mm mm.

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Matthew: In fact, in Japan they got all kinds of different things to eat.

Bill: Yeah, I know, Matthew, it's called Chinese food. Shut up.

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Jimmy: That's the kind of mindless optimism that got the Donner Party it's place in history.

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Lisa: Oh, I don't know, Dave's been really uptight about the budget lately.

Joe: [mumbling] Well, I'm sure he could make a special exception for you.

Lisa: What's that supposed to mean?

Joe: Come on, you know, whenever you need something, all you got to do is go in there and ask your sugar-daddy.

Lisa: Dave is not my sugar-daddy.

Joe: Sweetpapa, whatever.

Catherine: Lisa, I need a new stapler, so if you get a chance while you're in with Dave shakin' your stuff for a new chair, could you ask him if...

Lisa: Wait, wait! Wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait - I have never ever been the kind of person who shakes her stuff.

Catherine: OK, so you're a little light in the stuff department. That's okay, but I think we've all seen you shake what you've got.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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