- [explaining who's in charge of which department of the school newspaper]
- Cody Martin: Wally's our weather guy, Barbara's our investigative reporter, Alexis is our copy girl, Vance is our photographer, and the lovely Janice and Jessica are doing Health and Beauty.
- Janice: I'm doing health.
- Jessica: I thought I was doing health.
- Janice: You're doing beauty.
- Jessica: Yes, but I'd rather be healthy than beautiful.
- Janice: But I'm really healthy.
- Jessica: But I'm really, really healthy.
- Barbara Brownstein: And I'm, really, really glad you're not triplets.
- Mr. Moseby: First relax your muscles from your head to your toes.
- [London shakes her body]
- Mr. Moseby: Then count backwards from 100.
- London: Okay, 100...
- Mr. Moseby: [Groans] 99...
- London: You do it Moseby, your better at the alphabet.
- Zack Martin: Cody, if you don't give me a job in the paper, I'll keep on making scary monster sounds when you're sleeping.
- Cody Martin: You're Mr. Spooky Head?
- Cody Martin: [to Zack] You really think your advice is going to work? "Take a chance. Ask him out for a milkshake."
- [Zack and Cody walk over to Darlene]
- Darlene: Hey, Zack. Just taking a chance here. Would you like to go for a milkshake?
- Cody Martin: [to Zack] Oh, this is great. You exploit me and my paper, manipulate a girl, then abandon me, destroy my paper and still get the girl? Now what am I supposed to do?
- Zack Martin: Dear Loser...
- [Cody chases him]
- Cody Martin: I've got great news! I just got appointed editor of the school paper.
- Zack Martin: We have a school paper?
- Cody Martin: Yeah. You know, there's free copies outside the library.
- Zack Martin: We have a library?
- Zack Martin: So, isn't it great how much people love my column? Although it kinda creeps me out that Bob wants to date me.
- Darlene: [when Cody slams his head into the locker] He forgot his combination again? Why doesn't he just write it down?