- Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: I've already totaled two trucks, squashed Booboo Kitty, and I ain't even got out of the living room yet!
- Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: [Squiggy's drunk] You smell like you work in a brewery.
- Andrew 'Squiggy' Squiggman: I smell like I *did* work in a brewery.
- Shirley Feeney: [Laverne's brought in a tricycle and scooter for a visual aid to Squiggy's test question] Since Laverne forgot to get *me* a vehicle, I'll be a pedestrian, and I'm taking Booboo Kitty to the vet.
- Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: [chopping vegetables while Shirley talks him into hiring Squiggy, tearing up] Alright, I'll do it!
- Shirley Feeney: You don't have to cry about it.
- Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: I'm not, here's your onions!
- Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: [teary eyed, about to offer Squiggy a job] Squiggy...
- Shirley Feeney: He's been chopping onions.
- Carmine 'The Big Ragoo' Ragusa: No these are real.