Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Were you serious, earlier, when you said that I smell bad?
Officer Ziva David: [laughs] I was just kidding.
[Tony farts loudly]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [farts loudly] How about now?
Officer Ziva David: [hits him] You are disgusting! You do that again and I will shoot you, got it?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [seeing their target appear] Start the car.
Officer Ziva David: How's that gonna help with you still in it?
[Ducky comes in and sees Jimmy and Abby starting an autopsy]
Dr. Donald Mallard: What are you doing?
Jimmy Palmer: Dr. Mallard!
Jimmy Palmer: She made me!
Dr. Donald Mallard: Yes, well, everything seems to be in order. Why don't you begin while I get changed?
Jimmy Palmer: You're not mad?
Dr. Donald Mallard: Work cannot stop, Mr. Palmer, because my mother's nurse chooses to abandon us on a Saturday morning. I applaud your initiative.
Abby Sciuto: So, what'd you do with your mom?
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: [following him in] Donald! You promised me we were going for a ride!
Dr. Donald Mallard: We *did* go for a ride, mother.
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: Oh... you drive too fast, Donald.
[as Gibbs leads Mrs. Mallard back into Autopsy]
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: You may not believe this, but Donald was the cutest little child! He had long, curly blond hair, everyone thought he was a girl until he was twelve...
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: When his voice changed.
Dr. Donald Mallard: Mr. Palmer, will you please chain my mother to the chair while I tell Agent Gibbs what I've found?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [seeing McGee asleep in Abby's lab] Do you have any super glue, Abs?
[Gibbs enters and slaps Tony's head]
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: What did I tell you about that, DiNozzo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The skin might not grow back.
Officer Ziva David: [Eating pizza with Tony in Observation; Gibbs is interrogating Lt. Napleton] This woman is a total turd!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Stares at Ziva, pizza in mouth]
Officer Ziva David: A geek, yes?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The term is "nerd."
[a cat runs through a home's pet door, startling Tony]
Officer Ziva David: [laughing] Don't tell me your afraid of a little pussy... cat, Tony.
Abby Sciuto: Rough night?
Officer Ziva David: Is there any other kind with Gibbs?
Abby Sciuto: It could be worse. It could be Saturday.
Officer Ziva David: It *is* Saturday, Abby.
Abby Sciuto: See? It just got worse. Thanks.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: If I wanted to knock on doors all day, I would have joined UPS.
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: [to Gibbs] I'll be expecting your call, Matthew! I can't remember my phone number... but you'll get it from Donald!