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"NCIS" Bloodbath (TV Episode 2006) Poster

(TV Series)

(2006)

Quotes

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: So this was an accident?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Abby, doesn't have accidents!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Well Abby also doesn't have enemies. I mean it's not like we're talking about Agent DiNozzo.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey!... Ma'am.

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We're not so sure it was an accident, Abs.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Not sure, meaning what?

Officer Ziva David: We think whoever set up the crime scene might be after Abby.

Abby Sciuto: [chuckles] Me? Who'd want to kill *me*? I mean, Tony I understand, but...

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey!

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Or, maybe it *was* just a lab accident. I mean, really, who would wanna kill Abby?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: You know that's true. It's not like someone was after Tony.

Officer Ziva David: Now there is a suspect list I would not want to run down again.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ya! Ha-ha! Ha-ha! I think the joke's over. We get it.

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after McGee's chair has been confiscated by Gibbs, for failing to protect Abby the night before] Where's your chair?

Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: He doesn't deserve to sit.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: With that ass?

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: Did you request this specific room when you called the lodge?

Lillian Hencheck: No we asked for the one with the eviscerated squirrels, but this was all they had.

Albert Hencheck: What the hell kind of question is that?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Our last one.

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Abby Sciuto: What self-respecting drug dealer cuts his cocaine with potassium cyanide?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Obviously, one who doesn't care about repeat business.

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Abby Sciuto: I dated him last year and things just got a little out of hand.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Did I mention the restraining order?

Abby Sciuto: Ok it was lot out of hand.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why didn't you come to me, Abby?

Abby Sciuto: Because, Gibbs, I wanted him restrained. Not beaten to a pulp with a baseball bat.

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Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Abby's stalker] The only reason you're still able to walk is that I'd never heard about you before today.

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Abby Sciuto: [showing him her stun gun] Ziva gave me this. Cynthia gave me the pepper spray. The knuckles are Director Shepherd's.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No one is going to hurt you, Abby.

Abby Sciuto: You're just saying that to make me feel better.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did it?

Abby Sciuto: Yeah, can you say it again.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nobody's gonna hurt you, Abs.

[puts his arm around her]

Abby Sciuto: Can I stay at NCIS until you find him?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mm-hm. I'll move your whole lab into the elevator if it will make you feel better.

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[Palmer is trying to sort the assorted pieces of connective tissue found at the crime scene]

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I think it best to start with a corner piece, Mr. Palmer.

Jimmy Palmer: Um, Doctor...?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Haven't you ever done a jigsaw puzzle? You always start with the corners. May I suggest the plantar fasciae?

Jimmy Palmer: The feet?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, and then build it up from there. The anterior vesiculus...

Jimmy Palmer: ...Of the ankle.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mmm-hmm.

Jimmy Palmer: And then the fasciae crusus of the lower calf. Oh, thank you, Doctor! That's a very helpful analogy.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: And a fitting one, too, considering the original term for jigsaw puzzle was "dissected maps." So named by the Europeans in the late 1760's. They used to take maps and cut them up into irregular pieces for their children to reassemble.

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Abby Sciuto: This is not my toothbrush.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Then I must have bought a second one and forgot about it.

Abby Sciuto: It's a ladybug tooth brush, McGee. It's for cute girls named Gina Marie that bake cookies and wear J Lo Glow, not for a quasi-manly Federal agent who carries a gun.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: Do you want to use it or not?

Abby Sciuto: An anonymous toothbrush? I would rather remove my own tonsils with Typhoid Mary's straight razor.

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Abby Sciuto: [after the van door opens, the would-be-kidnapper falls to ground] Be with you in a minute, Gibbs! And don't look up my skirt!

[presses her taser, the kidnapper gets shocked]

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Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: I don't want you to be alone tonight, Abs. You're going with McGee!

Abby Sciuto: Great! Like I haven't been traumatized enough today.

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: Give it back, Tony. It was a gift.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: From who? Your wet nurse?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No. From me.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nice calendar, Boss.

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Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [to Abby and McGee] I don't anticipate any long term side-effects.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Better not be. You two don't have permission to be sick.

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Abby Sciuto: The Lunar Effect is a myth. There is no statistical correlation between phases of the moon and human behavior. That's why it would never work between us.

Officer Ziva David: Because the Lunar Effect is a myth?

Abby Sciuto: No, because I'm a scientist and he plays with voodoo dolls.

Special Agent Timothy McGee: But you play with voodoo dolls, Abby.

Abby Sciuto: I mean it metaphorically McGee.

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Mikel Mawher: I know we got off on the wrong foot.

Abby Sciuto: The wrong foot? The only right foot, is my foot up your ass!

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Abby Sciuto: [in Gibbs' basement] Nothing like a dungeon like basement to quiet the nerves.

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Abby Sciuto: [drunk] I don't know why people drink alcohol when they're depressed, because alcohol is a depressant. Now I'm still 'pressed... and I'm nauseous.

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Abby Sciuto: I can see why you like workin' on the boat there Gibbs. It's very cathartic.

[accidentally knocks a chunk out of the boat]

Abby Sciuto: Oops.

[hands the tools sheepishly over to Gibbs]

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Officer Ziva David: In my professional opinion, the risk of serious injury is substantial.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I agree, but there are protocols that have to be followed.

Officer Ziva David: Which are useless if it doesn't impart a tactical advantage.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Don't underestimate appearances, Ziva. I've known entire missions to fail because an asset didn't button her lapel properly.

Officer Ziva David: I see your point.

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: So we are in agreement?

[Ziva nods]

Officer Ziva DavidNCIS Director Jenny Shepard: [both turn to Abby] Heels!

Abby Sciuto: I hate court!

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Your sacrifice is noted and appreciated. Let's talk outfits!

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Frank Dreyer: If you folks are unhappy about the room, in any way, you just let me know and I'll see about getting you an upgrade.

Albert Hencheck: [enters room and sees blood and body parts strewn about] I think we'll take that upgrade.

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Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Take a look at the blood drips on the wall. It's a little Jackson Pollock, but notice anything?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: They're emanating from a central point.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Step off, McFlower-Power.

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Special Agent Timothy McGee: Do you want to use it or not?

Abby Sciuto: An anonymous tooth brush? I'd rather remove my own tonsils with typhoid Mary's straight razor.

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Lillian Hencheck: All I'm saying is this never would have happened at the Marriot.

Albert Hencheck: Well, excuse me for not checking the axe murderer policy when I made the reservation.

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Lillian Hencheck: Last time we were here I saw a cockroach!

Albert Hencheck: It wasn't a cockroach.

Lillian Hencheck: [sarcastically] Oh, all of a sudden you're an expert?

Albert Hencheck: I'm an entomologist. 32 years. I think I know a cockroach when I see one.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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