Quotes
Bart Simpson: Got any threes?
Ralph Wiggum: [Ralph is holding three threes] Go fish.
Bart Simpson: See, here's the problem, Ralph. You have several threes.
Ralph Wiggum: Go fish.
Share thisPrincipal Skinner: Kids, this is Robbie the Automaton.
Robbie the Automaton: Greetings, Earth children.
Lewis: Where are you from?
Robbie the Automaton: [pause] Earth.
Share this[first lines]
Edna Krabappel: Now, whose calculator can tell what seven times eight is?
Milhouse Van Houten: Oh! Oh! Low Battery?
Edna Krabappel: [sighs] Whatever.
Share thisRalph Wiggum: This is my swing set. This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end.
[points to a large rock]
Ralph Wiggum: That's where I saw the leprechaun.
Bart Simpson: [sarcastically] Right, a leprechaun.
Ralph Wiggum: He told me to burn things.
Bart Simpson: [uneasily] Uh-huh.
Share this[last lines]
Leprechaun: Ahh, you've done grand, laddie. Now you know what you have to do. Burn the house down! Burn 'em all!
Share thisTroy McClure: [on a video screen] Welcome to the Knowledgeum. I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport", and "Where's Nordstrom?". While you're enjoying our hall of wonders, your car will be unfortunately be subject to repeated break-ins...
[fades out]
Homer Simpson: What'd he say? What about my car?
Share thisRalph Wiggum: Wanna play stuffed animal parade?
Bart Simpson: Maybe later. Come on, Ralph, your dad's a cop! There must be some cool stuff around here, bullets, dead body photos, what have you.
Ralph Wiggum: He keeps that stuff in his closet. But he says I'm not allowed in there.
Bart Simpson: Did he say *I'm* not allowed in there?
Ralph Wiggum: Yes.
Bart Simpson: [pause] Well, I'm goin' in anyway!
Share thisChief Wiggum: You know you're not supposed to go in there. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
Share thisRalph Wiggum: There's the key!
[a rat takes it]
Ralph Wiggum: Aah! The pointy kitty took it!
Share thisPenetantiary Security Guard: Somebody down there?
Bart Simpson: [gasps] Uh-oh. Let's get outta here!
[Bart and Ralph quickly run off]
Penetantiary Security Guard: Why do I always shout first? Just gives them a chance to run away. Well, I'm an idiot.
Share thisMayor Quimby: [on television] If you commit a violent crime in my town you'll end up here!
[pointing at the electrocuting chair]
Ralph Wiggum: Hey hey that's our playchair!
Mayor Quimby: [still in television] To demonstrate what you're in for I will now strap myself in!
Bart Simpson: Uh-oh! We didn't set it to safety switch!
Ralph Wiggum: He's gonna smell like hotdogs!
Share thisBart Simpson: Alright! Woo-hoo! Way to go Ralph!
Lisa Simpson: Ralph? But the rocket was my idea!
Bart Simpson: What I'm asking you is Ralph's idea.
Homer Simpson: You're the man Ralph!
Lisa Simpson: But surely I deserve some credit for
[interrupted by cheering for Ralph]
Bart Simpson: Aw, let him have this one, Lise. After all, it's Ralph!
Lisa Simpson: [cheers for Ralph also] Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!
Share thisChief Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?
Share thisChief Wiggum: Oh, sure. We'd all love some *real* friends, Marge. But what are the odds of that happening?
Share thisRalph: That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things.
Share thisRalph: Your toys are fun to touch. Mine are all sticky.
Share this[Homer is playing a machine that shoots animated sperm from its gun in the "Let's Make a Baby" section in the knowledgeum]
Homer: C'mon, ovulate, damn you. Ovulate.
Computer: You are out of sperm.
Share thisTroy McClure: Welcome to the Knowledgeum, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?" While you're enjoying our Hall of Wonders, your car unfortunately will be subject to repeated break-ins and...
[Fades]
Homer: What'd he say? What about my car?
Share thisBart: I smell a museum.
Homer: Yeah, good things don't end with 'eum,' they end with 'mania' or 'teria.'
Share thisBart: [reading] Whoa, Dad's been arrested six times. Aww, Mom's only been arrested twice.
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