Homer Simpson: [lounging on the couch in his pajamas, drinking beer] Ah. I love these lazy Saturdays.
Marge Simpson: It's Wednesday, Homer.
Homer Simpson: Ahh! Work!
[he quickly runs off]
Moe Szyslak: Geez, this hot rod is souped up six ways from Sunday! Never had you figured for a gearhead, Homer.
Homer Simpson: Oh yeah, I'm a real expert.
Moe Szyslak: What is that, a six barrel Holley carb?
Homer Simpson: You betcha!
Moe Szyslak: Edelbrock intakes?
Homer Simpson: Nothing but.
Moe Szyslak: Myohoff lifters?
Homer Simpson: Oh, yeah.
Moe Szyslak: I made that last one up.
Homer Simpson: I see.
[singing to the tune of "Camptown Races"]
Bart Simpson: [finishes the song] They back your baaaaank!
Homer Simpson: You're all nuts.
Marge Simpson: I'm not getting back in this car until you drive like a sane person!
Homer Simpson: [speeds off] Okaybyeloveya!
Marge Simpson: You bought a car without consulting me?
Homer Simpson: I don't remember being consulted when you bought that hat.
Marge Simpson: I found this hat!
Homer Simpson: Well then what are you complaining about? You got yours!
Ned Flanders: We're all so tired that we just want to go to our new home and rest in peace.
Marge Simpson: [after collecting her unemployment check] Three hundred dollars for doing nothing? I feel like such a crook!
George Bush: Don't worry! Gets easier every year!
Homer Simpson: Ah. I love these real Saturdays. They're so relaxing.
Homer Simpson: Not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired!
Lionel Hutz: [ringing a bell] Attention.
[the bell dinger breaks off]
Lionel Hutz: Ding-ding, ding-ding, ding-ding. Listen up, everybody. Marge Simpson sold her first house.
Homer Simpson: [at a police seized-property auction] Wow, sweetheart, look at all this seized booty. We could find the drug boat of our dreams!
Marge Simpson: I don't want a drug boat.
Homer Simpson: Well, I bet there's drug dresses and drug vacuum cleaners too.
[about the murder house]
Marge Simpson: Oooh, I remember. Mrs. Astor was very lucky.
[Marge is showing Maude and Ned the murder house]
Ned Flanders: Oh, my-diddly-eye! Will you look at this place. And the price has been slashed repeatedly.
Maude Flanders: It's sure built solid. The kids could scream bloody murder and no one would hear.
Ned Flanders: Well, I'm just going to spill my guts. I love it to death. I'm going to give you a deposit this minute.
Homer Simpson: I don't know, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure.
Test Supervisor: Time's up. You may now undermine each other's confidence.
Cookie Kwan: Are you guys talking about the west side!
Gil Gunderson: No, Cookie! I'm scared of you!
Homer Simpson: Hey, Skinner! Want a drag race?
Principal Skinner: My high school sweetheart was killed in a drag race.
Homer Simpson: Come on, it'll be fun!
Principal Skinner: That's what Debbie Sue said.
Chief Wiggum: This is Wiggum, reporting a 318! Waking a police officer!
[Marge is working at a real estate firm]
Lionel Hutz: I've been getting a lot of calls about you, Marge. People just love your no-pressure approach.
Marge: Well, you know what we say: the right house for the right person.
Lionel Hutz: I'm going to let you in on a little secret. The right house is the house that's for sale. And the right person is anyone.