The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer the Smithers (1996)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Barney Gumble

Quotes 

• Homer Simpson : Here are your messages: "You have thirty minutes to move your car." "You have ten minutes." "Your car has been impounded." "Your car has been crushed into a cube." "You have thirty minutes to move your cube."

  Homer Simpson : [Phone Rings]  Y'ello, Mr. Burns Office?

  Mr. Burns : Is it about my cube?

• Homer : Oh, man, oh, man. We killed Mr. Burns. Mr. Burns is gonna be so mad.

• Bart Simpson : [Homer is eating fruit from a fruit basket he has received from Smithers]  What'd you get that for?

  Homer : For knocking Mr. Burns out of a third storey window.

  Bart Simpson : Makes sense to me.

  Lisa Simpson : Did he die?

  Homer : What am I, a Doctor?

• Montgomery Burns : Get going! And answer those phones, install the computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.

  Homer : [taking notes]  Uh huh. Uh huh. Okay. Um, can you repeat the part of the stuff where you said all about the... things. Uh... the things?

  [Burns looks at him meanly] 

• Smithers : Mr. Burns can't stand talking to his mother. He never forgave her for having that affair with President Taft.

  Homer : Heh, heh, heh! Taft, you old dog!

• Mr. Burns : I'll have my lunch now: a single pillow of shredded wheat, some steamed toast, and a dodo egg.

  Homer : But I think the dodo went extinct...

  Mr. Burns : Get going. And answer those phones, install a computer system, and rotate my office so the window faces the hills.

• Homer : Mr. Burns has a mother? She must be a hundred million years old!

  Smithers : She has limited capacities. All she can do is dial and yell.

• Homer : [High pitched]  Hello, Mr. Burns. This is your mother.

  Smithers : [Whispering]  No.

  Mr. Burns : Guh. Oh, hello, Mater. Uh, sorry about pulling the plug on you and all. Who could have known you'd pull through and live for another five decades? Oh, is my face red!

  Smithers : [Whispering]  Mrs. Burns is 122 years old, so try to sound more desiccated. And she doesn't call her son Mr. Burns!

  Homer : [Raspy]  Son, this is Mrs. Burns. I just called to say, I don't love you. You are a bad son, Montel.

  Mr. Burns : [Appears beside Homer]  So! Impersonate my mother, will you? And you Smithers! You must have put him up to it!

• Marge Simpson : Homie, it's 4.30 in the morning. Little Rascals isn't on till 6.00.

  Homer : I know. I'm taping it. I want to get to Mr. Burns' house bright and early to make his breakfast.

  Marge Simpson : Oh, poor Homie. Poor, poor - -

  [Falls asleep] 

• Bart Simpson : [Homer is asleep on the couch]  Look alive, Simpson! I'm not paying you to goldbrick!

  [Claps hands] 

  Homer : Yes! Yes, sir.

  Bart Simpson : [Hands him a Math book and a pencil]  Now get cracking on my long division, and don't forget to show your work, Simpson.

  Homer : I'll have it on your desk in the morning, sir.

  Lisa Simpson : Bart! Leave Simpson alone!

  [Whispering in Homer's ear] 

  Lisa Simpson : Simpson, I need a ride to the library.

  Homer : Yes, sir.

  Marge Simpson : Kids! Stop exploiting your father! Homie, why don't you lie down and relax?

  Homer : No time, Marge. I think Mr. Burns wants me to do some long division.

  Marge Simpson : Simpson, lie down! Sorry, but you need a good night's rest.

• Homer : [Through the window as Smithers loads his cases into a minibus]  Mr Smithers! I don't understand 2,700 of my new duties.

  Smithers : Well, the van's leaving. Which *one* duty is giving you the most trouble?

  [Homer thinks for a moment] 

  Homer : What do I do in case of fire?

  [the minibus door slides shut] 

  Smithers : Sorry, can't hear you.

  [the minibus drives off. Homer turns and sees that Burns's office is on fire] 

  Homer : Just my luck.