Principal Skinner: We're not coming down until you acknowledge and celebrate our love!
Maude Flanders: Excuse me, Edna. I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down!
Homer Simpson: Bart's teacher's name is Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall!
Ralph Wiggum: Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!
Chief Wiggum: The baby looked at you?
Chief Wiggum: [Principal Skinner, demanding that his relationship with Mrs. Krabappel be respected, exits the school with what looks like a bomb strapped to his chest] Wait a minute... that isn't a bomb! Those are hot dogs! Armor hot dogs!
Superintendent Chalmers: [shaking his head] What kind of man wears Armor hot dogs?
Mrs. Krabappel: As you know, Bart, one day your permanent record will disqualify you from all but the hottest and noisiest jobs.
Sideshow Mel: [dressed as a caveman with a bone through his green hair] My opinions are as valid as the next man's!
Superintendent Chalmers: I'm a public servant, Seymour, I'm not allowed to use my own judgement in any way whatsoever.
Principal Skinner: Is this how you imagined your life, Edna?
Mrs. Krabappel: Well, yes, but then I was a very depressed child.