[Bart doing a newscast on a kids news show]
Bart: Joe Banks, 82 years young, has come to this pond everyday for the past 17 years to feed the ducks. But last month Joe made a discovery: the ducks were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada, others say Toronto. And some people think Joe used to sit down there near those ducks. But it could be that there's just no room, in this modern world, for an old man and his ducks.
[Burns and Smither have been watching Bart Simpson's human interest story on ducks. Burns is crying]
Mr. Burns: Smithers, do you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?
Smithers: There's no maybe about it, Sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Kent Brockman: Human interest stories - they cloud the issues and fog the mind.
Lisa: [Lisa is disgusted with Bart's "phony schmaltz" kids' news features]
Lisa: They want cheap sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll be blowing their nose with a pancake.