The Simpsons (TV Series)
Grampa: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles...
[the children laugh]
Martin Prince: "Dickety"? Highly dubious!
Grampa: What're you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!
Montgomery Burns: There, Simpson seven gone. As soon as you're in your pressboard coffin, I'll be the sole survivor and the treasure will be mine.
Grampa: Over my dead body, it will!
Montgomery Burns: That's exactly the point! Oh, Simpson, can't you go five seconds without humiliating yourself?
[Grampa's pants fall down with a "boing" sound]
Grampa: How long was that?
Bart: [to Mr. Burns, who is going to steal some paintings] Mr. Burns, can you take me with you? I won't eat much and I don't know the difference between right and wrong.
Grampa: What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem.
Bart: I'm sorry I cost you your fortune, Grampa.
Grampa: Oh, the fortune doesn't matter, boy, the important thing is you're safe. Now let's get that fortune!
Marge Simpson: Where are we going to put him?
Homer Simpson: Bart's room.
Lisa Simpson: Bart's room.
Marge Simpson: Bart's room.
Bart Simpson: Dumpster.
[a hit man breaks into the retirement home and hoses down the rec room with a machine gun. Escaping, Grampa flees to the Simpson house, where he is heard pounding on the door]
Grampa: Let me in! Someone's trying to kill me! Sweet merciful McGillicuddy, you gotta open the door!
Homer Simpson: Who is it?
Montgomery Burns: Then it's agreed. Of course, we can't sell the paintings now, we'd be caught. How many of you are familiar with the concept of a "tontine"?
Montgomery Burns: All right, Ox. Why don't you take us through it?
Ox: Duh, essentially, we all enter into a contract whereby the last surviving participant becomes the sole possessor of all them purty pictures.
Montgomery Burns: Well put, Oxford.
Waylon Smithers: [Smithers and Burns are in a boat, being pursued by Bart and Abe] They're gaining on us sir. We'll have to jettison something.
Waylon Smithers: [Burns give him a hard stare] It's been a pleasure serving you, sir.