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Grampa: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty". I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles...

[the children laugh]

Martin Prince: "Dickety"? Highly dubious!

Grampa: What're you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem!

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Montgomery Burns: There, Simpson seven gone. As soon as you're in your pressboard coffin, I'll be the sole survivor and the treasure will be mine.

Grampa: Over my dead body, it will!

Montgomery Burns: That's exactly the point! Oh, Simpson, can't you go five seconds without humiliating yourself?

[Grampa's pants fall down with a "boing" sound]

Grampa: How long was that?

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Bart: [to Mr. Burns, who is going to steal some paintings] Mr. Burns, can you take me with you? I won't eat much and I don't know the difference between right and wrong.

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Grampa: What are you cackling at, fatty? Too much pie, that's your problem.

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Bart: I'm sorry I cost you your fortune, Grampa.

Grampa: Oh, the fortune doesn't matter, boy, the important thing is you're safe. Now let's get that fortune!

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Marge Simpson: Where are we going to put him?

Homer Simpson: Bart's room.

Lisa Simpson: Bart's room.

Marge Simpson: Bart's room.

Bart Simpson: Dumpster.

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Montgomery Burns: Terribly sorry. Back to sleep, little girl.

Lisa Simpson: Santa?

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[a hit man breaks into the retirement home and hoses down the rec room with a machine gun. Escaping, Grampa flees to the Simpson house, where he is heard pounding on the door]

Grampa: Let me in! Someone's trying to kill me! Sweet merciful McGillicuddy, you gotta open the door!

Homer Simpson: Who is it?

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Montgomery Burns: Then it's agreed. Of course, we can't sell the paintings now, we'd be caught. How many of you are familiar with the concept of a "tontine"?

Montgomery Burns: All right, Ox. Why don't you take us through it?

Ox: Duh, essentially, we all enter into a contract whereby the last surviving participant becomes the sole possessor of all them purty pictures.

Montgomery Burns: Well put, Oxford.

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Waylon Smithers: [Smithers and Burns are in a boat, being pursued by Bart and Abe] They're gaining on us sir. We'll have to jettison something.

Waylon Smithers: [Burns give him a hard stare] It's been a pleasure serving you, sir.

[jumps overboard]

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Montgomery Burns: Fernando Vidal? It's M.B.

Fernando Vidal: Ah, Marion Barry! Is it time for another shipment?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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