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"The Simpsons" Itchy & Scratchy Land (TV Episode 1994) Poster

(TV Series)

(1994)

Quotes

Euro-Itchy and Scratchy Land Ticket Attendant: Hello? Itchy & Scratchy Land, open for business! Who are you to resist it, huh? Come on, my last paycheck bounced! My children need wine!

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Park Manager: There's no need to murmur, ma'am. Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land, we're just as concerned with violence as you are. That's why we're always careful to show the consequences of deadly mayhem, so that we may educate as well as horrify.

Marge: When do you show the consequences? On TV, that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next scene, the cat was breathing comfortably.

Park Manager: Just like in real life.

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[at Itchy & Scratchy Land]

Park Announcer: Attention, Marge Simpson. Your son has been arrested.

Woman: I'd be terribly embarrassed if I was that boy's mother.

Marge: Mmmmm...

Park Announcer: Attention, Marge Simpson. We've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.

Marge: Mmmmmmm...

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Marge: I have nothing to say to you.

Homer: But Marge, I was a political prisoner.

Marge: How were you a political prisoner?

Homer: I kicked a giant mouse in the butt! Do I have to draw you a diagram?

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Helicopter Pilot: We are now approaching our final destination, Itchy and Scratchy Land. The amusement park of the future where nothing can "possa-bly" go wrong. Uh, possibly go wrong. That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.

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Homer: Wow, it *is* the seventies, right down to the smallest detail.

Marge: Hey, the bartender even looks like John Travolta.

John Travolta: Yeah, *looks* like...

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Bart: Hey, mouse. Say, "Cheese."

[Bart takes a picture with his camera, causing a Scratchy robot to collapse]

Bart: With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.

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Lisa Simpson: Dad, remember when you said going to Itchy & Scratchy Land would be too damn expensive?

Homer: Oh, everything's too damn expensive nowadays. Look at this Bible I bought - fifteen bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everyone's a sinner. Except for this guy.

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Bart: Mom, guess what!

Lisa Simpson: We're going to Itchy & Scratchy Land!

Marge: No. I've already planned our vacation for this year. We're going to the Highway 9 Bird Sanctuary. I understand they've installed a new bird feeder this year.

[Bart and Lisa stare, horrified]

Marge: It's shaped like a diner! And it's on this really tall pole.

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Homer: Okay, let's make a pact. This is gonna be the best vacation ever or we're all agreed to disband and join other families.

MargeBartLisa Simpson: Agreed.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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