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"The Simpsons" Bart vs. Australia (TV Episode 1995) Poster

(TV Series)

(1995)

Quotes

[looking at Uruguay on a map]

Homer: Heehee. Look at this country. "You are gay."

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Bart Simpson: I can't get a straight answer out of this crazy hemisphere.

[tries another number]

Hitler: [as his car-phone's ringing] Eine minuten, eine minuten!

[ringing stops]

Hitler: Ach! Das wagen phone ist ein... nuisance phone!

Man on Pennyfarthing: Buenos notches, mein fuehrer.

Hitler: Ja, ja.

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Bruno Dundridge: Ooh! Ah, that's it. I'm going to report this to me member of parliament.

[yells out window]

Bruno Dundridge: Hey, Gus! I got something to report to you.

[Later, as Gus tends his swine]

Gus: That's a bloody outrage, it is! I want to take this all the way to the Prime Minister.

[they go down to a lake]

Gus: Hey! Mr. Prime Minister! Andy!

Prime Minister: [floating naked on an inner tube with a beer] Eh, mates! What's the good word?

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Translator: Please to repeat again and I will translating for the el presidente.

Translator: [slowly] Which way does the water turn in your toilet?

Translator: [in Spanish] He says the tide is turning!

El Presidente: [in Spanish] Ay, caramba! Then the rebels will soon take the capital. I must flee!

El Presidente: [dives out window]

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[Bart is showing Lisa his pocket knife]

Australian with Spoon: You call that a knife?

[the man pulls out a spoon]

Australian with Spoon: *This* is a knife.

Bart: [confused] That's not a knife, that's a spoon.

Australian with Spoon: Alright, alright you win. I see you've played knifey-spoony before.

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Marge: We have those in America. They're called bull frogs.

Australian Squeaky-Voiced Teen: That's weird! I'd have called them chuzzwazzers!

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[after Bart moons the people of Australia by writing "Don't tread on me" on his behind]

Marge: I'm glad you're all right, honey, but I wish you'd chosen a more tasteful way to be patriotic.

Lisa: I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt.

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[the Prime Minister draws back his foot to "boot" Bart through the Embassy gate]

Prime Minister: This is for the Commonwealth of Australia!

[as he kicks out, Bart jumps out of range]

Bart: And this is for the United States of America!

[He drops his pants, showing "DON'T TREAD ON ME" written on his butt. He moons the enraged Australian crowd, humming "The Star Spangled Banner."]

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U.S. Ambassador: Good news, we've worked out a compromise that will allow both nations to save face.

Conover: We've argued them down to... a booting.

HomerMargeBart: WHAT?

U.S. Ambassador: The Prime Minister just wants to kick Bart once, through the gate, with a regular shoe.

Conover: I believe it's a wing tip.

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Bart: No fair! You only won because you had the inside track. If the water had been going the other way...

Lisa: It never goes the other way, Bart. In the Northern Hemisphere, water always drains counter-clockwise. It's called the Coriolis Effect.

Bart: No way! Water doesn't obey your "rules." It goes where it wants to. Like me, babe.

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[while fleeing the Australian mob, Bart spies a pair of kangaroos]

Bart: Hey, we can escape in their pouches!

[they start to jump inside, then stop]

Bart: Eww... it's not like in the cartoons.

Homer: Yeah, there's a lot more mucous.

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Marge: I'll just have a cup of coffee.

Bartender: Beer it is.

Marge: No, no. Coffee.

Bartender: Beer.

Marge: Coff-fee.

Bartender: Be-ear.

Marge: C-O...

Bartender: B-E...

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Homer: When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently through the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the old saying goes, "Let your children run wild and free."

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Bart: Hey guys, just so you don't hear any wild rumors, I'm being indicted for fraud in Australia.

Homer: Pfff. That's no reason to block the TV.

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Homer: What kind of sick country would kick someone with a giant boot?

Conover: Mr. Simpson, shush! Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense. It's one of their proudest traditions.

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Bruno Dundridge: Hey, you're just some punk kid, aren't you? Well, you picked the wrong guy to tangle with, mate!

Bart: [laughs] I don't think so. You're all the way over in Australia. Hey, I think I hear a dingo eating your baby.

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Milhouse: Hey, Bart! Come quick! There's a bakery on fire, and all of downtown smells like cookies! You want to come smell?

Bart: Yes. Yes, I do.

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[at an American embassy]

Homer: [points to guard] Hey, look. You're one of those guards like at Buckingham Palace. I can do whatever I want, and you can't do anything.

[starts dancing and pulling stupid faces]

U.S. Marine: [punches Homer in the face] No, sir. United States Marine Corps, sir.

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Bart: [Climbing into a kangaroo's pouch and being covered in mucus] Ew! Its not like in cartoons!

Homer: Yeah, there's a lot more mucus.

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[Lisa sees a sign for a "Yahoo Serious Festival"]

Lisa: I know those words, but that sign doesn't make sense.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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