Tom Servo: I love movies where they slowly assemble the plot like this.
Crow T. Robot: So this guy comes in, stops the plot cold, and leaves?
Crow T. Robot: Here are a few highlights from the administration of Rutherford B. Hayes. Thomas Edison invented the pornograph, beginning the age of pornography. President Hayes then passed the Hayes, act started the Hayes Office, won fame as an American lyric tenor and was named Archbishop of New York in 1919. After he retired, he founded the original ZZ Top with James Garfield and Chester Allen Arthur.
Tom Servo: [sung like Purple Haze] Rutherford Hayes, all in my brain!
Joel Robinson: It's a deadly game of cat and mouse except... with a... dog... and a man.
Crow T. Robot: The old man never said that.
Tom Servo: You can't flash back to something that never happened. That's not fair.
Narrator: Wearing inappropriate clothes, like these shoes...
Tom Servo: Is immoral.
Narrator: Don't let this happen to you!
Crow T. Robot: Don't change a tire with your face.
Narrator: There are other good aids for cleaning your skin. One of these is cleansing cream.
Tom Servo: One of these is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
Narrator: Many girls find this helpful in removing cosmetics
Joel Robinson: Many are just plain wrong.
Narrator: And so the end to a perfect day:
Joel Robinson: An entire day spent grooming.
Narrator: The love of a dog... for one man.
Joel Robinson: It won't work.