Tom Servo: [singing] Mobsters laughing, really smiling, a man selling heroin!
Crow T. Robot: This makes "Driving Miss Daisy" look like "Bullitt!"
Dr. Forrester: Ah, nothing like a good shower to make one feel good again, huh? I feel great! Nothing can get in the way of my good mood. What's going on, Frank?
TV's Frank: Oh, not much. Inventory's under control... floor needs mopping... Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love...
Dr. Forrester: Well, I see you got the situation well in hand... What? Joel escaped from the Satellite of Love?
TV's Frank: Well, I better get started on that floor.
Dr. Forrester: Frank, my towel and your hinder have an appointment. But first, we got to rescue Joel. Oh, no! No! Frank, he's landed safely in the Australian outback.
TV's Frank: Let's hope he landed on Yahoo Serious.
Dr. Forrester: Well, that's a good point, Frank, 'cause... Frank, can't you see we're ruined? What are we gonna do?
TV's Frank: Well, we can send someone else into space.
Dr. Forrester: Who are we gonna find at this late date to send into space?
Mike Nelson: Would you guys sign my time card?
Dr. Forrester: [Forrester and Frank exchange a look] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
TV's Frank: Yeah, you're not gonna sign his time card, are ya?
Mike Nelson: C'mon, you gotta sign my time card.
Dr. Forrester: Of course I'll sign your time card, young man. In fact, I think you're going to be working for me for a long, long time. Push the button, Frank. Say Mike, what size jumpsuit do you wear?
Mike Nelson: Uhh...
Crow T. Robot: [a car door slams offscreen] What was that? Oh.
Joel, Crow, Tom: Mitchell!
Tom Servo: [as the "chase" scene begins] This... is what I'll remember when I think of the movie "Mitchell." And I *will* think of it.
Tom Servo: The Lincoln Continental: perfect for off-road excitement.
Joel: I love pulling my gun when I come home! Scares my cats half to death!
[watching the end of 'Mitchell']
Crow T. Robot: You know, at this stage in any killing spree, you really ought to turn the gun on yourself.
Joel: Hey! Hey!
Tom Servo: [watching a film in which a man is shot and thrown off a boat] So long, CHUM!
Crow T. Robot: [as police chief] Well you're rich and white. I don't see a problem with it.
Crow T. Robot: [seeing murder victim's outline] Keith Harring was here!
Joel: Oh thank goodness they merged successfully. My heart was in my throat.
Tom Servo: The new Chrysler Fury. The car that thinks it's a house!
Joel: [Mitchell wears an ugly plaid coat] Can we get some more volume on that jacket please?
Mitchell: I wanted to find out who he was.
Chief: Well ASK him, don't SHOOT him.
Chief: Who was he?
Tom Servo: I didn't ask 'im, I shot 'im.
Tom Servo: [as Mitchell] Alright John Tesh. I know you're in here!
Tom Servo: [as the irritating kid skates away from Mitchell] I'm gonna give him some distance then I'm gonna mow him over!
Gallano: Now it's your turn...
Tom Servo: [singing] To be whatta you can be...
Gypsy: Jumpsuit...? Fool...? They're going to kill Joel! They're going to kill Joel! They're going to kill Joel! Help! What do I do? What do I do? I gotta get him outta here! They're gonna kill him! Help!... Easy, girl! Take it easy. Calm down, breathe through your nose... Here we go... That does it. Easy does it... Okay... Okay... Okay... Okay... Okay... Okay... They're going to kill Joel! Ahhhh!
Tom Servo: It's dangerous for Joe Don to be in the water. Someone's bound to harpoon him.
Mitchell: That's the first piece of information you've had all night.
Crow T. Robot: How about letting *us* in on some?
Tom Servo: It was a Big time when Big men drove nothing but Huge Ford Cars!
Greta: He sleeps with me, then busts me.
Joel: First things first.
Joel: [reading scrolling title sequence] What is that, what does it say, mittens?
Joel: Joe Don Baker *is* Mittens...
Crow T. Robot: He's a cop!
Dr. Forrester: Well, here it comes, Joel: "Mitchell"! It's a super-secret spy... has a motorcycle... marooned in space... meets Hercules... or not... uh, watch it and weep, Joel Prole Mole! Send them the movie, Frank. Frank, the movie?