Homer: What? This is the highest tax increase in history!
Lisa: Actually it's the lowest tax increase in history, dad.
Homer: I pay the Homer tax. Let the bears pay the bear tax.
Lisa: That's home owners tax, dad.
Homer: Either way, I'm still outraged.
[Homer helps Apu study for his naturalization exam]
Homer: [pointing to an American flag] Now, can you identify this object?
Apu: It appears to be the flag which disappeared from the library last year.
Homer: We're here, we're Queer, and we don't want any more bears!
Bart: Hey Apu. Why don't you marry some American broad and then dump her after you get your citizenship?
Homer: [Later] Selma my dear, how are you? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Listen, shut up for a minute. How would you like to marry Apu so he doesn't get deported?
Selma: I'd rather eat poison. My name is already Selma Bouvier Terwilliger Hutz McClure. God knows it's long enough without Nehassapassapena whatever. From now on I'm marrying for love and once again for money.
Chief Wiggum: Book 'em, Lou.
[points to the bear]
Chief Wiggum: One count of being a bear.
[points to Barney]
Chief Wiggum: And one count of being an accessory to being a bear.
Examiner: All right, here's your last question. What was the cause of the Civil War?
Apu: Actually, there were numerous causes. Aside from the obvious schism between the abolitionists and the anti-abolitionists, there were economic factors, both domestic and inter...
Examiner: Wait, wait... just say slavery.
Apu: Slavery it is, sir.
Homer: Well, there's not a bear in sight. The Bear Patrol is sure doing its job.
Lisa: That's specious reasoning, Dad.
Homer: Thank you, sweetie.
Lisa: Dad, what if I were to tell you that this rock keeps away tigers.
Homer: Uh-huh, and how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work. It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: I see.
Lisa: But you don't see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: Lisa, I'd like to buy your rock.