Corner Gas (TV Series)
Telescope Trouble (2006)
Brent Butt: Brent Leroy
Quotes
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Brent Leroy : I can't put my business on hold to fix a door. I gotta keep the wheel of commerce greased.
Davis Quinton : You don't know how to fix it, do you?
Brent Leroy : I could figure it out, probably, eventually.
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Brent Leroy : Whoa whoa, what's this? You know my rule against bazookas in the gas station.
Wanda Dollard : It's my new telescope.
Karen Pelly : What do you need a telescope for anyway?
Brent Leroy : Well it makes far away things seem closer. It's like a magic eye.
Karen Pelly : What do you need a magic eye for?
Wanda Dollard : Prokop meteor shower.
[Brent and Karen stare blankly]
Wanda Dollard : Every 12,000 years the Earth passes through the Prokop meteor cloud? Creating hundreds of noctilucent anomalies?
Brent Leroy : Will they give off some kind of ray? Create a race of Supermen?
Wanda Dollard : Unlikely.
Brent Leroy : Interest waning.
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Brent Leroy : Well this meteor thing, can it only be viewed from inside the gas station?
Wanda Dollard : I'm only leaving it here 'cause my kid would wreck it. He'd tear this thing apart before you could say "Copernicus".
Brent Leroy : Maybe not before I *could*, but probably before I *would*.
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Lacey Burrows : Brent, be nice to Terry. I had to pull some strings. There's a waiting list.
Brent Leroy : He's just a door guy. He's not Copernius.
Lacey Burrows : Who?
Brent Leroy : Invented meteor clouds.
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Wanda Dollard : [Wanda needs a place to store her telescope] Get your car keys. We're going to your place.
Brent Leroy : That's your best pick-up line?
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Brent Leroy : Try to fix my own door and I get emasculated.
Wanda Dollard : Ouch. Told you it was dangerous.
Brent Leroy : Metaphorically.
Wanda Dollard : Ah.
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Wanda Dollard : Well, this'll be safe here.
Brent Leroy : Shielded by the power of my intense disinterest.
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Brent Leroy : You know if you folks are lost, there's maps inside.
Emma Leroy : Nope. Here's good.
Brent Leroy : What about my customers?
Oscar Leroy : Oh they're not bothering us.
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Wanda Dollard : [Brent wants to kick out his parents] They did raise you.
Brent Leroy : Yeah, and now it's payback time.
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Brent Leroy : I should fix it myself.
Lacey Burrows : Oh, no no no no no. You will void the warranty and Terry won't service it. Plus, you'd hurt your delicate hands.
Brent Leroy : Delicate? What are you talking about? Look at that paw! Look at that mitt! That's a working man's hand!
Lacey Burrows : [Lacey feels his hand] Ooh, that's soft.
Brent Leroy : Well that one is a little girly, but *this* one is trouble!
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Hank Yarbo : [Brent and Hank are watching kickboxing on a TV outside] We should be watching this on the big screen inside. Like we're gonna see the door guy from here.
Brent Leroy : I got a clear line of sight. It's perfect. Like there, his van's pulling up now. Or maybe that's a sparrow.
Hank Yarbo : If only we had some kind of bionic eye to make things bigger.
[Brent gets out Wanda's telescope]
Hank Yarbo : How's that?
Brent Leroy : I can read the ingredients on the chips.
[He adjusts the focus]
Brent Leroy : Oh wait, now it looks blurry.
[He adjusts it again and sees Wanda staring back at him]
Brent Leroy : Now it looks angry.
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Wanda Dollard : [about her telescope] It doesn't leave my sight until the meteor shower tonight. Hey, wanna come watch? Once in a lifetime chance.
Brent Leroy : Who lives to be 12,000?
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Lacey Burrows : Brent, did you fiddle with your hinge?
Brent Leroy : I beg your pardon, ma'am.
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Hank Yarbo : It's a good thing Lacey's door broke. It's a window of opportunity.
Brent Leroy : The door is a window?
Hank Yarbo : Yeah. You know what they say: "God closes a door he opens a window"?
Brent Leroy : Now you'd think *he* would have a guy to open his windows for him.
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Hank Yarbo : You should have seen it. All these meteors? Spekernius would have been impressed.
Brent Leroy : Spekernius?
Hank Yarbo : He invented space.
Wanda Dollard : [Sarcastically] Yeah. That's what he did.
-
[First lines]
Lacey Burrows : Hey Brent - wanta try something new?
Brent Leroy : Cool, little packages! It's like astronaut food.
Lacey Burrows : It's coffee flavor, for your coffee.
Brent Leroy : But coffee already tastes like coffee. Like, a lot.
Lacey Burrows : No, it's not the flavor of coffee, it's to flavor your coffee. You put it in your coffee for a burst of authentic flavor.
Brent Leroy : [reads package] "Irish Cream" - what's in Irish Cream anyway?
Oscar Leroy : It's booze!
Brent Leroy : There's booze in here?
Lacey Burrows : No!
Brent Leroy : So it's fake.
Lacey Burrows : Yes! But authentic.
Oscar Leroy : I tried one - I liked it. Kinda fruity.
Lacey Burrows : [looks at package] That's because it's jam, Oscar.
Brent Leroy : How are things at NASA?