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"The Simpsons" Homer's Triple Bypass (TV Episode 1992) Poster

(TV Series)

(1992)

Quotes

[while operating on Homer]

Dr. Nick: [singing] The kneebone's connected to the... something. The something's connected to the... red thing. The red thing's connected to my wrist watch... Uh oh.

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[Homer collapses in Mr. Burns' office. His spirit begins to rise up from his body]

Smithers: Mr. Burns, I think he's dead.

Mr. Burns: Oh, dear. Send a ham to his widow.

Homer Simpson: Mmm... ham.

[Homer's spirit returns to his body]

Smithers: No, wait - he's alive!

Mr. Burns: Oh, good. Cancel the ham!

Homer Simpson: D'oh!

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Dr. Julius Hibbert: Homer, I'm afraid you'll have to undergo a coronary bypass operation.

Homer Simpson: Say it in English, Doc!

Dr. Julius Hibbert: You're going to need open-heart surgery.

Homer Simpson: Spare me your medical mumbo jumbo!

Dr. Julius Hibbert: We're going to cut you open and tinker with your ticker.

Homer Simpson: Could you dumb it down a shade?

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Apu: Poor Mister Homer. Could it be that my snack treats are responsible for his wretched health?

Kwik-E-Mart Customer: Can I get some jerky?

Apu: Would you like some vodka with that?

Kwik-E-Mart Customer: Oh, what the hell, sure!

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Mr. Burns: Look at that pig. Stuffing his face with donuts on my time! That's right, keep eating... Little do you know you're drawing ever closer to the poison donut! There is a poison one, isn't there Smithers?

Smithers: Er... no, sir. I discussed this with our lawyers and they consider it murder.

Mr. Burns: Damn their oily hides!

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[Dr. Nick's commercial]

Dr. Nick: You've tried the best. Now try the rest.

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Homer: Ok, we need 40,000 dollars. How much do we have in the checkbook?

Marge: 70 dollars.

Homer: Have we deposited any 40,000 dollar checks that haven't cleared yet?

Marge: No.

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Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.

Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?

Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

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Dr. Nick: Seriously, baby, I can prescribe anything I want.

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Mr. McGreg: Dr. Nick Riviera. Remember me?

Dr. Nick: Why, if it isn't my old friend, Mr. McGreg. With a leg for an arm and an arm for a leg.

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Marge: Can't you do something for him?

Dr. Hibbert: Well, we can't fix his heart, but we can tell you exactly how damaged it is.

Homer: What an age we live in.

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Moe: [Homer is about to have a triple bypass operation] Let's have a minute of silent prayer for our good friend, Homer Simpson.

Barney: [after a short while] How long has it been?

Moe: Six seconds.

Barney: Do we have to start over?

Moe: Hell, no.

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Lisa Simpson: [in Sunday School] My dad is very sick. What's going to happen if he dies?

Sunday School Teacher: Well, if he's been good, he'll go to Heaven.

[writes "Heaven" on the board]

Sunday School Teacher: In Heaven, you get to do whatever you like best, all the time.

[Lisa imagines Homer as an angel in heaven, lying on a cloud]

Homer Simpson: Cloud goes up, cloud goes down, cloud goes up, cloud goes down...

[cut to Homer's hospital room]

Homer Simpson: Bed goes up, bed goes down, bed goes up, bed goes down...

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Chief Wiggum: This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Homer: I can't wait until they throw his hatless butt in jail.

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Mr. Burns: Relax, Simpson. I just brought you in here for a friendly hello...

Homer Simpson: Whew...

Mr. Burns: ...and goodbye! You're fired!

[Homer gags, his heart pounds]

Homer Simpson: W

Mr. Burns: ...at goofing off! Now don't worry, Homer. You're the kind of guy I could really dig...

[Homer's heart slows down]

Mr. Burns: ... a grave for!

[Homer's heart beats even faster]

Mr. Burns: Your indolence is inefficacious!

[Homer stares blankly; heart beats normally]

Mr. Burns: That means, you're terrible!

[Homer collapses]

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Mr. Burns: [to Smithers after seeing Homer asleep at his station on CCTV] Bring him to me!

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Dr. Nick: Call 1-600-DOCTORB, the B is for bargain.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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