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"Daria" Jake of Hearts (TV Episode 1999) Poster

(TV Series)

(1999)

Quotes

Daria: [phone rings] Hello? No Quinn is busy right now studying... stu-dy-ing... no this isn't a prank call, you called *me*.

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Daria Morgendorffer: A few days ago, my father had a heart attack, forcing me to admit his mortality to myself for the first time. Accepting this grim new knowledge has been especially difficult as I've been under constant yammering assault by two utterly brainless and talentless so-called radio personalities. And so, for these reasons, I, Daria Morgendorfer, am mental in the morning.

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Radio DJ on Loudspeaker: Hey everyone, are you ready to rave?

Jane: What the hell was that? An Ice Cream Truck?

Daria: If it is, it better be some damn good Ice Cream.

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[In the Lawndale H.S. parking lot]

Bing(Radio DJ): [in ref. to Upchuck] Okay, Charles. The first girl out here in our audience to agree to a date with you is going to get a free "Mental In The Morning" bumper sticker.

Spatula Man(Radio DJ's Partner): What do you say, ladies?

[Crowd of girls boo and go "eew"]

Jane: A date for a bumper sticker?

Jodie: Even Upchuck doesn't deserve this much humiliation.

Daria: Imagine how the bumper sticker must feel.

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Sandi: Tiffany, dear, would you please explain to this Spatula man why a bumper-sticker cannot possibly compensate for the shame and permanent reputation damage involved in a single date with Charles Ruttheimer?

Tiffany: Upchuck? Eewww.

Sandi: Well done.

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[Quinn is practising to be a surgeon by playing Operation]

Quinn: Darn it! I thought this surgery thing would be a lot easier.

Daria: Don't worry. When you operate on real people, their noses don't light up.

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Daria: Between Dad and the party van, life's become a living hell at home and at school.

Jane: Don't worry, the van will move on soon. Or be destroyed in a mysterious bombing, I have decided yet.

Daria: There's no place left for me to hide.

Jane: Well, you could always dive into a wooded thicket.

[Daria stares at her]

Jane: Hey, it works for bunnies.

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Jane: So Grandma Morgendorffer just left?

Daria: She realized she was causing more harm than good.

Jane: Did you help her in her realization?

Daria: I may have had a hand in her epiphany.

Jane: I hope you washed it thoroughly.

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Jane: Why Daria, are you becoming an optimist?

Daria: Hmmm, I dunno. Hold up your glass.

[she does]

Daria: Nope, still half empty.

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Ms. Angela Li: Whoo-hoo!

[Daria and Jane shriek]

Ms. Angela Li: This is so exciting! Imagine, real-life celebrities broadcasting all week live from Lawndale High.

Daria: They're not celebrities.

Jane: They're deejays.

Ms. Angela Li: Wacky deejays! And their hilarious antics will soon silence those naysayers who would have us believe that Lawndale High is a place of gloom.

Jane: Of course, getting rid of the hidden cameras and the bomb-sniffing dogs would accomplish the same goal.

Ms. Angela Li: You girls should be thanking me for caring so much about student morale.

Daria: I don't suppose the school would be receiving a large fee from the radio station for participating in this stunt?

Ms. Angela Li: Ms. Morgendorffer, those bomb-sniffing dogs have to eat!

[Exits]

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Quinn: [Daria walks in on Quinn reading a book on heart surgery] Ugh! This is SO frustrating! Daria, have you ever read this book?

Daria: "Thrombocytopenic Complications After Stent Placement Post-Coronary Artery Angioplasty." Maybe you should start off with something easier; many coloring books feature hearts - and rainbows.

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[after Jake's heart attack]

Daria Morgendorffer: So, my grandmother Ruth will be staying with us while my dad recovers.

Jane: Is this the grandmother who said she'd give you 100 bucks if you changed your hair?

Daria Morgendorffer: Both my grandmothers said that.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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