Buddy Sorrell: [showing off his donation to charity] How do you like this?
Sally Rogers: A tuxedo?
Buddy Sorrell: Yeah.
Sally Rogers: Look, Buddy, people is depressed countries don't go to formal banquets too often.
Buddy Sorrell: Now they can go.
Sally Rogers: [examining Rob's sports coat] Hey, how d'you rip the pocket?
Rob Petrie: I didn't rip the pocket.
Sally Rogers: What happened? D'your handkerchief explode?
Rob Petrie: No, my neighbor did.
Rob Petrie: [explaining why he and Jerry aren't speaking to each other] Because we believe in diametrically opposed ideologies.
Sally Rogers: Oh, he believes in ripping up your jacket and you just don't like that.
Rob Petrie: No. No, I-I believe in constitutional government. That guy believes in... in mob rule.
Buddy Sorrell: You ripped a button; he ripped a pocket. Sound like a game - Pockabutton. I'd like to play but all I got's a zipper.
Rob Petrie: [giving reason for sending the Helpers a dinner invitation] If people are gonna live together peacefully, we've got to keep the lines of communication open.
Laura Petrie: Well, then, darling, why don't you CALL Jerry and invite him?
Rob Petrie: 'Cause I don't wanna talk to that rat.
[Mel enters to collect clothing donations]
Mel Cooley: What have you got for me?
Buddy Sorrell: Hatred.
Mel Cooley: [to Rob] Oh, by the way, Alan wants to see you in his office right away. He needs some big jokes for the monologue.
Buddy Sorrell: Why don't YOU volunteer. You're the biggest joke around here.
Rob Petrie: Buddy, enough already.
Mel Cooley: No, no, let him go. Let him go. The-the more he says, the closer he comes to a cauliflower nose.
Millie Helper: I am goin' to that dinner party tonight whether YOU go or NOT. I'm gonna wear my new dress, and my new shoes, and - I'll tell ya somethin' else, Dr. Helper - I'm gonna have fun.
Jerry Helper: No you're not, 'cause I'm goin' with you.
Ritchie Petrie: You gonna get a sitter for me?
Laura Petrie: Yes, dear. I've called Billy and he's gonna come over.
Ritchie Petrie: He can teach me how to belch.
Laura Petrie: Ritchie!
Ritchie Petrie: He can do it any time he wants.
Laura Petrie: Rob, please speak to him, please.
Rob Petrie: Uh - heh-heh - Ritch, that's, uh, not a very polite thing.
Ritchie Petrie: Billy says that in China, if you don't burp after a meal, they think you hatred the dinner.
Rob Petrie: Yeah, but we're not in China now.
Ritchie Petrie: Well, maybe someday we'll go, and I wanna be polite.
Jerry Helper: Listen, uh, where are your mother and father?
Ritchie Petrie: They went out.
Jerry Helper: Out? Where?
Ritchie Petrie: I don't know. They just left.
Jerry Helper: Huh, you see that?
Millie Helper: Come on. Don't jump to conclusions. Ritchie, are they coming back?
Ritchie Petrie: Oh, sure.
Millie Helper: Ya see?
Jerry Helper: Well, how do you know they're coming back?
Ritchie Petrie: They have to. They live here.
Jerry Helper: Millie... Millie, will you tell him to get outta here before I do something I'll be sorry for.
Millie Helper: Rob will you get outta here before Jerry does something he'll be sorry for.
Millie Helper: Jerry, tell her to get outta here before I do something I'll be sorry for.
Jerry Helper: Laura, I think you better get outta here.
Laura Petrie: Now wait a minute. I don't know what's been going on here, but I would like to say a few things.
Rob Petrie: Watch it. You'll get a breadstick up your nose.
Laura Petrie: [angrily] I think you two ought to know something. Rob was against sending that invitation to you but I insisted, and now I'm sorry I sent it.
Millie Helper: You're sorry ya sent it?
Laura Petrie: You don't know how sorry I am. I think it's one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
Jerry Helper: Then you, uh... you DO think it was a stupid thing?
Laura Petrie: [near tears] Well, let's just say this, Jerry - I will never send you another one like it, and you can bet on that.
Jerry Helper: You MEAN that?
Rob Petrie: [through grit teeth] Oh-h-h, you BET she means it.
Jerry Helper: [greatly relieved] Well, okay.
Rob Petrie: Okay, what?
Jerry Helper: We accept your apology.
Laura Petrie: You accept our...?
Millie Helper: Yes, and... we... forgive you.
Rob Petrie: You forgive US?
Millie Helper: [happily] You bet we do.
Jerry Helper: Uh, well, uh, we were both being very stubborn, and I'm happy to see that you took a first step to clear the air.
Rob Petrie: [thoroughly perplexed] Now wait a minute. Wait just a minute, Jerry. There's a misunderstanding here...
Laura Petrie: [cautiously] There certainly is, darling, and I think it's the kind of misunderstanding we should try very hard NOT to clear up for a little while.