Patrick: SpongeBob, I don't like it here. It's dark and scary. I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. Look! I can't even tell the bathrooms apart!
[Close up of bathroom doors show one with a question mark, the other with an upside-down question mark]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, that's an easy one, Pat. Uh, just wait for someone to come out, and then you'll know.
[a weird, unidentifiable creature comes out of one of the bathrooms]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe we should wait for one more.
[More weird creatures come out of the bathrooms]
Patrick: I still can't read the sign! I wanna go home!
SpongeBob SquarePants: This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is... ADVANCED darkness. Hey, if I close my eyes it doesn't seem so dark.
Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you're fired.
Patrick: But I don't even work here.
Mr. Krabs: How would you like a job, starting right now?
Patrick: Boy, would I.
Mr. Krabs: You're fired.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm so loyal, I don't mind sleeping out in the cold, hard ground while Captain Krabs sleeps in his warm, dry tent.
Patrick: I'm so loyal, I haven't bathed in weeks.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, we've been out only a few hours.
Patrick: I know.
Patrick: Where is "Leaving Bikini Bottom?"
SpongeBob SquarePants: Where did you see that?
Patrick: We just passed a sign: "You are now in 'Leaving Bikini Bottom."
SpongeBob SquarePants: [looks out the window] What?
Patrick: What's wrong, SpongeBob?
[SpongeBob sees a sign reading "Bikini Bottom City Limits"]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, I think we're on the wrong...
[bus careens down a ravine; SpongeBob and Patrick are slammed to the back by the force of the fall]
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...bus!
Mr. Krabs: So, you think old Mr. Krabs has gone crazy, do ye?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Mr. Krabs! We don't think that at all!
Patrick: I think that.
Mr. Krabs: Status report?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The whole ship is underwater.
Mr. Krabs: [Disappointed] Arrgh.
Patrick: Spongebob, bus is here! SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [tries to run up the road] Ahh! Ahhh! Ahhhh!
Flying Dutchman: Who dug up the Dutchman's treasure?
Mr. Krabs: They did.
Flying Dutchman: So, you two scalawags dug up my treasure, did you?
[Patrick and SpongeBob are shaking and crying]
Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of digging, you did, so here's a reward for the two of yous.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow!
Chorus: Two gold doubloons!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm the captain of this crew. Where's my reward?
Flying Dutchman: I guess you're right. Here's a little something for your trouble.
Mr. Krabs: Gold! Gold... Wait, it's just a little plastic treasure chest.
Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure.
Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs. You're looking all sweaty again.
Mr. Krabs: Now put on this pirate garb so I'm not embarrased to be seen with you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow! Look, Patrick. Peg legs and eye patches.
Mr. Krabs: Now, don't you feel like real pirates?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Wearing pegs on both legs] Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate. Whoa!
[Trips and falls]
Patrick: [Wearing patches on both eyes] I'm Blindbeard the Pirate. Whoa!
[Trips and falls over SpongeBob]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okey-dokey, then.
Mr. Krabs: A pirate does not say "Okey-dokey, then." A pirate says "Argh!"
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay-do... Oops! I mean, Argh, Captain Krabs.
[He spies a reef straight ahead]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Captain, we're about to hit... I mean, Argh - Cap, Argh! - we're - Argh! - about - Argh! to - Argh! - hit - Argh!...
Mr. Krabs: Out with it, Man!
Patrick: I think - Argh! - he's trying - Argh! - to say - Argh! - that we're - Argh! about to...
Mr. Krabs: Argh. From now on, only the captain gets to say "Argh!"
Clerk Fish: Next? Pbth!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Finaly! I'm next! When's the next bus to Bikini Bottom?
Clerk Fish: What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The bus schedule, the next bus?
Clerk Fish: I can't - Pbth! - understand - Pbth! - your accent.
SpongeBob SquarePants: The next - Pbth! bus - Pbth! - to Bikini - Pbth! - Bottom - Pbththth!
Clerk Fish: Oh - Pbth! Why didn't you say so? Pbth! Next bus leaves in - Pbth! - five seconds.
Clerk Fish: Oh, tough break, kid. Pbth! That's the last one 'till morning. Pbth!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh - Pbth! no -Pbth! - you don't! Pbth!
Clerk Fish: Good night! Pbth!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You get back here! Pbth! I'm not through here! Pbth! I demand that you come back here and get me a bus to Bikini Bottom! Until then, I'm not leaving this spot! Pbth! Pbth! Pbththth!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sure it weird around here. Kinda different.
[picks up a handful of dirt]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Even the soil looks different.
Soil: Would you - Ptbht! - mind - Ptbht! - putting me down?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I want a bus to Bikini Bottom! I am first in line, and no one's going to tell me otherwise!
[a fierce-looking creature behind him growls]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Second! I am second in line!
[Moves down, finds another creature]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Third! Third is good.
[Walks down to a third creature]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Fourth, not bad.
[eventually reaches the end of the line]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Three-hundred and twenty-nine! I am three-hundreth and twenty-ninth in line, and nobody forget it!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Hears a razz in the dark] Who's there?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, that place will be there tomorrow. I guess I'd better keep walking.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Running. Better start running. Running.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sprinting! Yes, I just gotta keep sprinting!
[Runs into a wall]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sitting... sitting... bleeding.
Flying Dutchman: [talking in his sleep, snoring] I'm the Flying Dutchman, I'm the Flying Dutchman.
[here's a noise outside]
Flying Dutchman: Who DARES wake the Flying Dutchman?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [waiting for the bus] Getting hungry. Glove candy dispenser! Good thing I went to Glove World.
[takes candy from dispenser, then spits it out]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Eww! Glove-flavored.