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Marge Simpson: This should be very educational. I want you kids to pay attention.

Tour Guide: Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from Saint Joe in three days; Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as a place where a trail hand could spend a month's pay in three minutes.

Homer Simpson: Three minutes.

[whistles]

Marge Simpson: I never realized history was so filthy!

Tour Guide: First on our tour is the whore house. Then we'll visit the cathouse, the brothel, the bordello, and finally the old mission.

Marge Simpson: Oh, thank heaven.

Tour Guide: Lots of prostitutes in there!

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Homer Simpson: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?

Lisa Simpson: Because they discovered gold right over there.

Homer Simpson: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything.

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Grampa Simpson: [finishes a drink] Ah, can't get a good sasparilla like this back in Springfield. It angries up the blood.

Bartender: Heh, you like it, huh?

Grampa Simpson: Up yours!

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Grampa Simpson: Am I dead yet?

Marge Simpson: No.

Grampa Simpson: How about now?

Marge Simpson: No.

Grampa Simpson: Now?

Marge Simpson: I'll tell you when you're dead, Grampa.

Grampa Simpson: Thank you.

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Robot 1: Hey, these cards are marked.

[table falls]

Robot 2: Now look what you've done.

Robot 1: I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.

Robot 3: Let's forget this whole thing happened.

Homer: What the heck is this, a tea party? Somebody kill somebody.

[Homer smashes a bottle on a robot's head. The robots begin to shoot Homer, who dives under a table]

Marge: What is it with you and robots?

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[Homer has joined a crew of "lost souls"]

Woman: We wander the seven seas trying to forget.

Homer: Forget what?

Englishman: Oh, boy, here we go.

Woman: My story of jilted love is long and bittersweet. If anyone has to go to the bathroom, go now. I don't want you walking around during my story.

Englishman: My story's better, it has tigers.

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Homer: It's everybody's fault but mine.

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Guide: Founded by prostitutes in 1849, and serviced by prostitute express riders who could bring in a fresh prostitute from Saint Joe in three days, Bloodbath Gulch quickly became known as a place where a trailhand could spend a month's pay in three minutes.

Homer: Three minutes.

[whistles]

Marge: I never realized history was so filthy.

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Homer: Two hours? Why'd they build this ghost town so far away?

Lisa: Because they discovered gold right over there.

Homer: It's because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything.

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Marge: Aren't you going to perform the last rites?

Rev. Lovejoy: That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to perform a voodoo dance.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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