- Archie Bunker: I would take will into court and have it thrown out.
- Mike Stivic: On what grounds?
- Archie Bunker: On the courtroom grounds under the windows.
- Archie Bunker: Wait 'til you hear this, Edith. They decided not to will Joey to anyone, and you know why?
- [Adopting his mocking tone:]
- Archie Bunker: 'Cause they decided they ain't never gonna die.
- Archie Bunker: You're supposed to be the big bug on the Constitution, right? Well the first amendment guarantees that baby the right to bear a machine gun?
- Mike Stivic: The first amendment guarantees free speech.
- Archie Bunker: Same thing, buddy boy. If you got a gun in your hand, you're free to make any speech you want to.
- Archie Bunker: I'm gonna give this to somebody else.
- [tries to take the doll away from Gloria and in the process pulls its head off]
- Gloria Stivic: Aah! Daddy! Well I can't give it to Joey like this.
- Archie Bunker: Alright, maybe you can find some poor, deserving little sissy kid who would like a 'decrapitated' pee-pee doll.