- ALF: Don't tell me, Willie, you made a few calls and got him into the National Guard.
- Willie Tanner: Must you make that joke every time you see Brian in his uniform?
- ALF: Yes. Next question.
- Willie Tanner: Brian's gonna love communing with nature. I know I did. Falling asleep under the stars, the cool ground beneath you, warming your hands by an open fire.
- ALF: What were you, a Badger Scout or a wino?
- Willie Tanner: Must you discourage everything I do?
- ALF: Yes. Next question.