- Eduardo: To win, we will need a very special dance. La Tango de la Muerte!
- Lisabella: Only one man has ever been foolish enough to attempt that dance, and he is dead!
- Eduardo: My twin brother, Freduardo. But where he died, I shall live - in his apartment.
- [They dance La Tango de la Muerte and survive]
- Eduardo: You are now carrying my child.
- Lisabella: But how?
- Eduardo: It is the mystery of the dance.
- Vicki Valentine: Okay, curtain puller, this is your moment to shine. Oh, it's too important. I'll do it for you.
- Optometrist: [Homer is trying on glasses] That pair's popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer...
- Homer: Ooh, my favorite Door.
- Optometrist: ...and Yoko Ono.
- Homer: Eww, she ruined the Plastic Ono Band!
- Optometrist: Maybe you're a candidate for laser eye surgery.
- Homer: Will it get me out of having to choose glasses?
- Optometrist: Well, yes, but I must warn you it's an experimental procedure we still don't know the long-term effects...
- Homer: [pointing the laser at his eye] Less yappin', more zappin'!
- Lisa Simpson: Little Vicki, I figured out how to dance. I can be in the show now!
- Vicki Valentine: I'm sorry, Lisa. People go to a children's dance recital expecting a certain level of professionalism.
- Ralph Wiggum: But, but you don't understand... I ate too much plastic candy.
- Vicki Valentine: Heavens to Betsy, the star of the show is sick! Whatever will we do? There's only one person who can get us out of this pickle. Lisa?
- Lisa Simpson: Yes?
- Vicki Valentine: Help me into Ralph's costume.
- Vicki Valentine: Okay, kids, tonight's the big night. Now remember, the important thing is to just dance flawlessly.
- Lisa Simpson: Excuse me... Why isn't my name in the program.
- Vicki Valentine: It is, silly. You've got the most important part of all. Curtain puller? No one can see the show if the curtain isn't open!
- Lisa Simpson: But my parents are counting on seeing me dance! And I've worked ever so hard.
- Vicki Valentine: I'm sorry, Lisa. But giving everyone an equal part when they're clearly not equal, is called what again, class?
- Class: Communism!
- Marge Simpson: [watching Lisa tap dance] Wow, look at her go!
- Homer: Yeah, that pressure we put on her really paid off!
- Optometrist: Okay, let's get started.
- [turning off the lights, she hears him snoring]
- Optometrist: Hey, wake up!
- Homer Simpson: What do you...? Oh, sorry.
- Optometrist: Now, read the first line.
- Homer Simpson: "I ate pee pee."
- [writing "I 8 PP", Bart laughs]
- Homer Simpson: [strangling him] Why, you little...!
- Optometrist: [switching lenses] Better or worse?
- Homer Simpson: Worse!
- Optometrist: [switching them again] Better or worse?
- Homer Simpson: *Much* better!
- Professor Frink: [Examining Lisa's self dancing shoes] Jesus, Mary and Glavin! These shoes are in the 'Off' position!
- Lisa Simpson: You mean I danced all by myself?
- Marge Simpson: See, honey? All you needed was to believe...
- Homer Simpson: [Snatching the shoes from Professor Frink] What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're *clearly* in the 'On' position. See? 'On'.
- [Shows them to Lisa. Her face falls]
- Professor Frink: I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.
- Homer Simpson: Oh, ohhh! Well, now that I look even closer...
- Lisa Simpson: Forget it, Dad.