- Homer: Something's wrong with that kid. She's so... moral. Why can't she be more like... well, not like Bart, but there has to be a happy medium.
- Marge: So, what did you children learn about today?
- Bart: Hell.
- Homer: Bart!
- Bart: What? That's what we learned about. I'm sure as *hell* can't tell you we learned about *hell* unless I say *hell*, can I?
- Homer: The lad's got a point.
- Bart: Hell, yes!
- Marge: Bart!
- Bart: Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell! Hell!
- Marge: Bart, you're no longer in Sunday school. Don't swear.
- Homer: [Mt Sinai: 1220 BC] Er, good evening Ezron, carver of graven images.
- Ezron: Ah, good evening, Homer the Thief. How is business?
- Homer: Been a little slow these past few months. Not much to steal in the desert, you know?
- Ezron: Ah, do not worry, my friend.
- [Homer steals one of Ezron's idols while his back is turned]
- Ezron: I figure we'll be wandering out here another two weeks... tops.
- Homer: [laughs] Ah, good evening, Zohar the Adulterer. My wife sends her warmest regards.
- Zohar: Ah, yes. She is a good woman. Very good.
- [Homer steals a bag hanging from his belt]
- Homer: Thankyou, my lusty friend.
- [they laugh together but stop at the sound of thunder and lightning]
- Ezron: [suddenly Moses appears on Mt Sinai, holding the Ten Commandments] Oh, Moses is back!
- Homer: Quick, everybody look busy!
- [Homer steals some more of Ezron's idols, Zohar chats up a passing woman, and Ezron goes back to carving a false idol]
- Moses: [addressing the assembled throng] The Lord has handed down to us Ten Commandments by which to live. I will now read them in no particular order: Thou Shalt Not Make Any Graven Images.
- Ezron: [throws down his tools] Oh my God!
- Moses: Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery.
- Zohar: Ah well, looks like the party's over.
- Homer: [laughs] Hey Moses, keep em' coming!
- [laughs again]
- Moses: Thou Shalt Not Steal.
- Homer: D'oh!
- [all of his stolen booty falls to the ground]
- Zohar: [he and Ezron laugh] Sorry Homer.
- Homer: Family, gather round, I have an announcement to make. The Simpsons have cable.
- Bart, Lisa: Cable?
- Bart: All right.
- Homer: That's right, sixty-eight channels, MTV for the kids, VH1 for us, sixteen hours of quality programming a day.
- Marge: I don't know, Homer, we've discussed cable before. Do you really think we can afford this?
- Homer: Nothing a month? Yeah, I think we can afford it.
- Marge: Mmmm, are you sure this is legal?
- Homer: Relax, Marge. Read this.
- [Homer hands Marge a pamphlet entitled, "So You've Decided To Steal Cable"]
- Marge: "Myth: it's wrong to view quality motion pictures for free. Fact: most movies that air on cable rate two stars or lower and are repeated ad nauseam." I don't know...
- Drederick Tatum: [Talking to a reporter] Man that place is a dump. If you ever see me there you'll know I really f - ked up bad.
- Devil: [sitting with Homer Marge Bart and Maggie in hell] Come on Lisa. Watch a little cable with us. It won't cost you a thing. Except your soul!