[after Homer drove the van into a tree]
Arnie Pie: He's jumping out of the car, Kent. He's trying to climb over the fence. He's realizing he's too fat. He's digging a hole like a dog! Now he's giving up on that and he's running back and forth. He's climbing into a pipe and he appears to be stuck. His legs are dangling in a comical fashion. Oh, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen!
Kent Brockman: Arnie, how are the *children*?
Arnie Pie: [irritated] I can't see through *metal*, Kent.
Homer: [playing basketball] You da man Carl! I believe you can fly!
Carl: You know I'm so sick of peope thinking I'm good at basketball just cause I'm African-American.
Carl: [Carl slam-dunks the ball; breaking the backboard] Go Carl! Go Carl! It's ma birthday! It's ma birthday! 3P you got mail baby!
Lisa: So many times we've watched our father go under the knife.
Marge: One more and I get a free hysterectomy!
Ralph Wiggum: Where are we going, Mr. Simpson?
Homer: I'll tell you where we're NOT going: jail!
Milhouse: Then you'd better turn.
Homer: [Homer realises that he's driving to jail, screams and turns]
Ned Flanders: I'm going to a Christian rock concert.
[holds up two tickets reading "Chris Rock in Concert"]
Ned Flanders: It's gonna be one wholesome evening!
Bill Cosby: [On "Kids Say the Darnedest Things"] Now my good man, what do you like to play?
Bill Cosby: Pokémon? Boogieman with the pokey and the man and the eight with the guy comes out and there's a thing,
[puts down his mic and walks away from his stool]
Bill Cosby: and he barks the frr out of that...
[starts sounding nonsensical with his hands near his ears]
[an African American man dressed like a Gangsta rapper stops Bart in the hallway]
Man: Hey, this class is aces. You go from 'slopper' to 'proper' like.
[Rushes into the room where an old lady is teaching an etiquette class]
Old Lady: The proper gentlemen...
Bart: Etiquette class? But the guy outside said...
Old Lady: Are you accusing my husband of *misleading* you? Good gracious. I should bust a cap in your ass.