Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Series)

The Author (2000)

Ray Romano: Ray Barone

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Kids : Doodie-head! Doodie-head!

  Debra Barone : [Debra comes in]  Hey, no name calling! Guys!

  Ray Barone : Where you been for the last hour?

  Debra Barone : I told you I was going to the store.

  Ray Barone : What, they make you lock up?

  Debra Barone : Excuse me?

  Ray Barone : How can I write when this whole place is crawling with doodie-heads?

  Debra Barone : Oh, were they noisy? Gosh, when I'm alone with them, they just sit in the corner and read the Bible.

• Debra Barone : You want me to go camping without you with all the kids? Are you insane?

  Ray Barone : All right, it's a little extra slack, I know.

  Debra Barone : Yeah, listen! You waste time for over a year, and then you expect me to suffer so you can finally get serious.

  Ray Barone : Well, hey, you don't think I'm going to suffer? I'm sacrificing the most precious thing of all time with my children, huh? You don't think I've got "Cat's in the Cradle" playing up here?

  [points at his head] 

  Debra Barone : I think you got two monkeys and a yo-yo playing up there.

  Ray Barone : Yeah. You just don't want me to be an author. That's what it is. 'Cause there'll be a book tour, then the groupies.

  Debra Barone : Now, there's a sad bunch of women.

• Debra Barone : If you break that promise, I'll know.

  Ray Barone : I know you'll know. And then... then you'll have to punish me.

  Debra Barone : Oh, I'll punish you.

  Ray Barone : [playfully flirting]  Oh yeah?

  Debra Barone : Seriously, Ray, I'll hurt you.