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"M*A*S*H" Mail Call, Again (TV Episode 1975) Poster

(TV Series)

(1975)

Quotes

Captain B.J. Hunnicut: [while Burns is reading a letter from his wife] Everything okay at home, Frank?

Major Franklin Marion Burns: Uh... fine! Yeah... the... uh... crabgrass is in bloom, the cat had puppies...

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Major Franklin Marion Burns: Is my call through to Indiana yet?

Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: Not right now sir, I've got another call going through to Ohio.

Major Franklin Marion Burns: Don't give *me* any of your snottiness! I'm not that old dimwit you work for!

Colonel Sherman T. Potter: The Ohio call's mine,Major.

Major Franklin Marion Burns: [laughing nervously] Sir... I... uh... just a little joke with Radar.

Colonel Sherman T. Potter: I'd watch that dimwit talk, Burns. Your bulb's been out since I met you.

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Major Margaret Houlihan: Must you bore everyone with that dull hometown news?

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Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: You know, when your mad, you're ugly?

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Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Where's Frank, Margaret? Still trying to call home?

Major Margaret Houlihan: There's a crisis.

Captain B.J. Hunnicut: Hurricane named Louise.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: I'd love to tap into that conversation.

Captain B.J. Hunnicut: I'd love to be a mouse with earphones.

Major Margaret Houlihan: Oh you'd just love to see me squirm, wouldn't you?

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Can I slip into something comfy first?

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Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Talking to his wife on the phone] Houlihan? Well we have a Major Houlihan, but that's laughable! I mean... hah... Major Houlihan's an old war horse!

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Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Talking to his wife on the phone] Attractive? Houlihan? She looks like an army mule with bosoms.

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Major Margaret Houlihan: [Throws a chair at Burns after she listens in on Burns' conversation with his wife] WAR HORSE? ARMY MULE?

Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Surprised] Margaret!

Major Margaret Houlihan: STUFF IT!

Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Chases after Hot Lips] Margaret! Margaret, I had to say all those things. Try to understand!

Major Margaret Houlihan: Leave me alone, you chinless chipmunk!

Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Grabbing Hot Lips' arm] Margaret, please!

Major Margaret Houlihan: Remove your hand or I'll zap you with my knee!

Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Follows Hot Lips to her tent] Margaret! I had to lie. The stocks and the house are in her name!

[Hot Lips slams tent door in Burns' face]

Major Franklin Marion Burns: [Burns turns on the charm] Uh... Margaret, dear, why don't I bring over my can of Sterno, and we can have some hot totties and you can put on your new nighty.

Major Margaret Houlihan: [Opens tent door and throws nighty in Burns' face] *YOU* put on my new nighty!

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Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: [Reading his mother's lips in the home movie] "I love you, Walter."

Father Francis Mulcahy: Who's Walter?

Corporal Walter Eugene O'Reilly: That's my given name.

Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: Give it back.

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Captain Benjamin Franklin Pierce: I lost the baby pool.

Father Francis Mulcahy: Well, bless my soul! I won!

Captain B.J. Hunnicut: A little inside information, Father?

Father Francis Mulcahy: Not at all. I just know a little more about conceptions.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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