Toot Braunstein: [her baby is missing] I looked for my baby everywhere. I looked by the pool...
[camera shows her lounging at the pool]
Toot Braunstein: ... by the refrigerator
[camera shows her pulling a six pack from the fridge]
Toot Braunstein: ... by the pool again.
[back at the pool, she's drinking the six pack]
Toot Braunstein: It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth.
Xandir: We can't find your baby anywhere.
Toot Braunstein: YOU'RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH! Oh, did you check the fridge?
Toot Braunstein: [grabbing her baby] Oh, where WERE you? Since you've been gone I've been so DRUNK!... Uh, I mean, wasted! Nah, no, no,
Toot Braunstein: faced. YEAH, that's it,
Toot Braunstein: faced.
Child Services Representative: Miss Braunstein, we found your baby shoplifting.
Toot Braunstein: Shoplifting? I spare you the pain of all those vaccination shots and THIS is how you repay me?
[Toot starts shaking her baby]
Toot Braunstein: [in the confessional] Even this incitful sattire of religion couldn't cheer me up. I thought i would never be happy again. But then I saw something, something that would change my life forever. And suddenly, I knew the solution to all my problems!
Person offscreen: Yeah, ice cream lard ass!
Toot Braunstein: [angrily] NOOOOO!
Toot Braunstein: A baby!
Wooldoor Sockbat: This doesn't make sense... How do you horribly "penis" someone?
Spanky Ham: Alright, but I'm only gonna show you this one more time...
[he says as he starts unzipping his shorts]
Captain Hero: [while talking about Hustler magazine] It gives every man x-ray vision, if you know what I mean. Buy a copy and see for yourself.
Toot Braunstein: [Toot enters drunk to the house] Mommy's home!
Toot Braunstein: [Toot rises her skirt and vomits inside of it] Who threw up in the air?
Princess Clara: And where have you been all night, mommy fattest?
Toot Braunstein: [Still inside her skirt full of vomit] I don't know! I don't know where I am now! For wherever I am somebody throw up everywhere!