Homer Simpson: Hey, look what was in here! A program from that guy's funeral.
Marge Simpson: You mean Frank Grimes?
Homer Simpson: Yeah! Yeah! Whatever happened to that guy?
Lisa Simpson: Wow! An alternate ending to "Casablanca". Bart, this could be priceless!
Bart Simpson: Priceless like a mother's love, or the good kind of priceless?
Carl Carlson: How d'you do ma'am?
Lenny Leonard: Hope this evening finds you well.
Marge Simpson: Oh, knock it off, you perverts!
Marge Simpson: Kids, I want to explain about the stadium. You see, sometimes, Moms and Dads get a little accustomed to each other.
Homer Simpson: Dads especially.
[as Homer hangs naked, from a hot air balloon]
Sideshow Mel: Dear Lord, look at that blimp! He's hanging from a balloon!
Chief Wiggum: Boy, I'll tell you. They only come out at night. Or, in this case, uh, the daytime.
Marge Simpson: When we got married, is this how you thought we'd be spending our Saturdays? Driving out to the boondocks to buy a refridgerator motor?
Homer Simpson: Eh, I never thought I'd live this long.
Marge Simpson: We drank so much, that night!
Homer Simpson: Yeah, I thought Bart would be born a dimwit.
Marge Simpson: [laughs uneasily] Yeah...
Homer Simpson: Well, this time I'm drunk on love... and beer.
Bart Simpson: There's gotta be something to do around here. Hey, are they pulling the plug on anybody today?
Grampa Simpson: Nope, everybody's paid up.
Bart Simpson: You guys are sick.
[Bart and Lisa leave]
Marge Simpson: You don't think there's anything wrong with what we're doing, do you?
Homer Simpson: I don't think anything I've ever done is wrong!
Farmer: If somebody's in here, you're in for some serious ass-forkin'!
Marge Simpson: Oh, this is so naughty. Coming back to our old love-nest.
Homer Simpson: It hasn't changed since that magical evening when I knocked you up.
Grampa Simpson: Now you got her, Bart. Jump Lisa's king.
Rod Flanders: I'm not Bart. I'm Rod Flanders.
Grampa Simpson: There you go with that smart mouth! Lisa, run outside and cut me a switch.
Todd Flanders: Yes sir!
Carl Carlson: Hey Homer, see you at Moe's?
Lenny Leonard: He put new electrical tape on the cushions!
Homer Simpson: Sorry, guys. Marge and I are spending the weekend at a bed 'n' breakfast.
Carl Carlson: Oh, trying to jump-start the old marriage, huh?
Lenny Leonard: Can I come?
Homer Simpson: Nah, it'd just be awkward. What with the sex and all.
Homer Simpson: Now they did say bed *and* breakfast, right?
[Seeing a naked Homer dangling from a balloon]
Sideshow Mel: Look at that blimp... And he's hanging from a balloon.
Homer Simpson: [Homer and Marge, both naked, land in the middle of a football field as the crowd gasps, cheers, and whistles] Why don't you take a picture? It will last longer.
[the whole crowd lights up with camera flashes]
Homer Simpson: D'oh!
Maude Flanders: Rod, you've got small, girlish hands. Reach in and fish it out.