Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Squirm (1999)

Bill Corbett: Crow T. Robot, Observer

Quotes 

• Mike Nelson : Hi, folks. Mike Nelson here. Crow and Servo are about to help me with the annual Satellite of Love safety check. You guys ready?

  Crow T. Robot : Roger.

  Tom Servo : Ramjet.

  Mike Nelson : Fire extinguisher?

  Tom Servo : Empty.

  Crow T. Robot : Shot it off in your face. Next.

  Mike Nelson : Okay. Flare gun?

  Tom Servo : Did it.

  Crow T. Robot : Shot it off in your face. Next.

  Mike Nelson : First aid kit?

  Tom Servo : Used it to treat your flare burns.

  Mike Nelson : Right. Parachute?

  Crow T. Robot : Gym class.

  Mike Nelson : Life vest?

  Tom Servo : Faulty.

  Mike Nelson : Ham radio?

  Crow T. Robot : Mistook it for an actual ham.

  Mike Nelson : There, the Satellite of Love is completely unsafe. Hey, does anything work?

  Tom Servo : Yeah, the toaster over. We used it to bake the ham radio. Mmmm.

  Mike Nelson : Oh, OK, well then. We're dead. We'll be right back

  Crow T. Robot : Come on, Mike, we're gonna go stick our heads in the towel dispenser.

  Tom Servo : Weeee.

• Coily : [as a man is unable to dial a phone]  No springs!

  [cackles] 

  Crow T. Robot : Oh, and no redemption, by the way.

• Crow T. Robot : Where does Coily fit into God's plan for us?

• Crow T. Robot : [as Mick]  Save the girl or go antiquing... Hmm... Antiques, here I come!

• Gilbert : I hope I never see another spring as long as I live!

  [Coily appears] 

  Tom Servo : [as Coily]  I anticipated your complaint!

  Coily : So, you never want to see another spring, eh? Okay, mister, I'll fix it so you get that wish!

  Crow T. Robot : In Hell!

• Gilbert : Why, it's practically impossible to name a single thing in which some sort of spring isn't essential in one way or another.

  [he looks up] 

  Crow T. Robot : Oh, look, God has a spring!