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"NewsRadio" Bitch Session (TV Episode 1996) Poster

(TV Series)

(1996)

Quotes

Dave: [confronting the staff] Nobody has to tell me anything because... I was hiding under the desk the whole time!

[the staff is upset at Dave's eavesdropping. Jimmy steps in]

Jimmy: Now, look, people, it doesn't matter whether...

[pause]

Jimmy: Dave, you were under the desk the whole time? You didn't tell me that.

Dave: Well, it was kind of unintentional, sir.

Jimmy: Oh, I see, right. Now, look, people, it doesn't matter whether...

[pause]

Jimmy: Actually, y'know what, this is all pretty pathetic. I'm gonna have to distance myself from you. I'll see ya, Dave.

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Jimmy: You're the boss, you're supposed to be thick-skinned.

Dave: I am plenty thick-skinned.

Jimmy: Come on, I've seen thicker skin on a bowl of pudding. Here, check this out.

[Mr. James lays his hand over a lit candle]

Dave: Sir, you don't have to impress me.

Jimmy: Wanna know the secret?

Dave: Wild guess... Thick skin?

Jimmy: Well, metaphysically, yes. Technically speaking, you do it fifteen, sixteen times, it kills all the nerve endings in your hand.

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Beth: Presenting "Dave the Insane Maniac," a play in one act, by Beth and Bill.

[Bill walks in on his knees, holding a coffee mug]

Beth: Hello, Dave.

Bill: [High-pitched voice] Hello, employee. You look miserable and oppressed.

Beth: I am. We can't take taxicabs home anymore.

Bill: Excelent! That's good news to me. You see, I'm from Wis-cahn-sin, where taxicabs are feared and hunted for the delicious meat under their hoods.

Beth: Comedy...

Bill: Or tragedy?

BethBill: You be the judge.

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Jimmy: Hey, Mike! Mike Eisner! That's Mike Eisner. Great guy, great guy. Got skin like a rhino.

Dave: I think that's Mike Ovitz.

Jimmy: Doesn't matter. They're all the same.

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Joe: Did Thomas Edison give up?

Bill: Thomas Edison wasn't trying to invent something that was readily available in a wide variety of stores near his home.

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Joe: I never touch any of that mass-produced crap.

Dave: Well, that's very neo-Luddite of you.

Joe: Well, that's very neo-unnecessary-big-word of you.

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Joe: Hey, Lisa, tell us the truth. Dave buys his suits at the little boys' department, doesn't he?

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Matthew Brock: [after Bill scares him and he almost spills his coffee] Nice try, Bill, but you have to wake up pretty early in the morning to...

Beth: Matthew, do you have the time?

Matthew Brock: Yeah, it's...

[Looks at his watch, accidentally spilling his coffee all over his shirt]

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Lisa Miller: I thought I smelled Dave's burning flesh. This is new, having the bitch session in the office of the bitchee.

Matthew Brock: It's more exciting because it's taboo.

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Jimmy: Say, is your mom still married to that guy?

Dave: You mean my dad?

Jimmy: Yeah.

Dave: I'm afraid so, sir.

Jimmy: Well, if she ever changes her mind...

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Lisa Miller: Anyway, I think Dave looks cute in that suit.

Beth: Oh yeah, almost just like a real grown-up.

Lisa Miller: No, he really does. He looks like he just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting... First Day At Bible College.

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Lisa Miller: [to Dave, who is lying prone on his desk] Are you OK?

Dave: Yeah, fine. I'm just resting up for that big sale at... Baby Gap.

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Dave: Is that what girlfriends do?

Lisa Miller: Well, I said you, you looked cute.

Dave: I just keep trying to figure out in my head, I mean, does she really love me, or is it just the thrill of possibly being picked up on charges of corrupting a minor?

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Dave: [to the staff] You know what? I was a little concerned that I was coming off as, I don't know, an insane Norman Rockwell bible school boy maniac.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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