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*** This review may contain spoilers ***
This was one of the worst vampire movies of all time. A genre plagued by bad movies, this one is at the top. The dialogue was absolutely awful. It makes me sick that someone can read a script this bad and throw money at it when there are so many good ones out there struggling to get dimes. I am ashamed that I actually watched the whole thing. Some horrible vampire movies are awful in a good way, like Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Where you laugh at the ridiculousness the whole movie. This piece of garbage you just shake your head constantly as to how anyone thought this was a good idea to write or produce. It truly boggles the mind. I think this may even be worse than Twilight and that is a bold statement.
Sometimes I ponder the intricacies of the horror genre after watching a
really solid title, and I'm grateful to relate to the director's
vision. I'm left wondering also, after experiencing a rather bland and
boring attempt of a film - this is where Kiss of the Vampire makes its
introduction, stage left.
Vampire films can generally be cataloged by time period, ranging from the depiction of Nosferatu in the silent era, the classic Universal era with stars like Bela Lugosi, the many versions brought to you by Hammer, the vampire revival in the 1980s, and of course the more modern and up to date creatures made possible by films like Blade and Underworld. I could easily break down the in's and out's contained within each era to offer more insight, but the point I'm making is that with each re-telling of a vampiric story there are clearly defined categories. To make any artistic progress within the film industry we must look past these "definied categories" and strive to create something new and refreshing; this is not my quarrel with Kiss of the Vampire.
The first thing I noticed that this film was devoid of was atmosphere...it has none. I must confess that I am no film major nor can I dazzle others with the industry's jargon and slang terms for motion blurs and set lighting. However, through the eyes of a common viewer and both a seasoned and appreciative horror fanatic, what hurts this film most was the lack of mood lighting. Each environment, in terms of lighting and emotion, is no different than the last. In my opinion, the romanticism that encompasses a vampire is part of what makes him/her so alluring. Why would the director choose to leave this out? A second observation of mine involved the cast...more importantly, the acting. I could not bring myself to get on board with what the actors/actresses were selling. Without describing the plot, there were too many instances where the dialogue seemed awkward and humiliating to sit through. You don't have to be an actor or actress to realize how certain lines need to be delivered and I can confidently say that none of them won me over. I conjured up a scenario in my head where the cast were handed a script with a blank title page, confusing them as to what film they were about to star in. If they had realized beforehand, they might catch onto the fact that the director had a vision of combining all of the stereotypical facets of a vampire, only to fall short and embarrass himself on each ensuing level.
Another subject worth mentioning are the action sequences. To put it simply, they are painful to watch. I'm not sure which in particular I'd rather be ashamed of...the choreography, the visual effects, or audio elements present here. Whenever the camera pans over to the "clan" standing there, menacingly, I can't help but laugh hysterically because they look like a bunch of children at an elementary school Halloween party. This is precisely why you shouldn't cast actors or actresses into the role of a vampire unless they have at least SOME understanding of how to act. I've seen more impressive role playing in a college-based vampire film that I helped do makeup for - and here I thought THAT was amateur-level cinematography.
In conclusion, vampiric cinema is one of my preferred sub-genres within the horror community. To see such a poor attempt at portraying them really disappoints me. This is 2009 - we've had nearly a hundred years worth, and then some, of sources to draw from to keep this legend alive. It seems as though Kiss of the Vampire chose to adhere to the more classical elements while incorporating a modern touch without making either interesting or unique enough. So why, do I ask, would you bother at all?
A film such as this could only come out on DVD. The studio probably
realized how bad it was and decided that it would crash and burn if it
was released in the theaters.
While some of the cast have been in decent films, most of the cast are wooden or sounding like they're reading cue cards. Most of the dialogue sounds amateurish and fake.
The plot seems to be a composite of a few story ideas, with the hopes of making something stick (a cop story, a vampire romance, a conspiracy involving the poor man's version of the Illuminati. Unfortunately, none of it works.
The main vampire, Alex, is boring, as is his love interest, Estelle. Since they can't act, it's not a big deal. Neither can the cops, or anyone else.
Finally, when the closing credits are playing, the theme song, "Immortally Yours", is like ice picks to one's eardrums.
Save your money and avoid this turkey.
A pack of blood thirsty vampires attacks people in an American city.
When their leader Alex Stone (Daniel Goddard) meets the mortal Estelle
Henderson (Kat Hawks), they fall in love with each other and Alex seeks
out her father, who is researching immortality, to ask him to be
reverted to mortal again.
The Illuminati Cartel is secretly sponsoring the researches since their leader Victor Price (Eric Etebari) wants to be immortal. Meanwhile, the vampire hunter Marshall Pope (Matthias Hues) arrives in the city to help the police to hunt down the vampires.
"Kiss of the Vampire", a.k.a. "Immortally Yours", is a boring and lame low-budget vampire movie released direct-to-video on DVD with subtitles without synchronicity with the speech. The laughable story is a mixed bag of dull romance and a boring cartel story entwined with vampires that are staked on the stomach and dies. Further, the noisy vampires attack in pack, roaring like lions and moving their heads back and forth in a ridiculous way. The acting is awful, with wooden actors and actresses and the scenarios and locations are very poor. Last but not the least, there are many fake reviews in IMDb promoting this movie and luring the readers. You just need to click on the author and see when he joined IMDb and how many reviews he has written (only one). My vote is three.
Title (Brazil): Not Available
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Immortally Yours had seemingly every opportunity to make a memorable horror film, filled with drama, suspense, romance, and action...the only problem this movie encounters is that none of these can be at all executed. The writing was so second-rate that most of the dialogue consists of a sentence or less, and often lines are repeated numerous times. The actual plot doesn't seem to take form until about an hour in where we understand that among several 2-dimensional protagonists there are apparently three factions warring for apparently no reason. The Illuminati is a multi-national crime syndicate that can't seem to execute a single drug deal without being thwarted by cops moving at snail's pace. The Vampires too seem to be adept at screaming but possess little to no fighting abilities, seeing as how most of them are killed while standing still mouth-agape staring at their attackers. And then there's the police....no idea why they have such a big role but apparently they've inserted undercover Cop Clowns in seedy vampire nightclubs. If you turn to Immortally Yours hoping for a well-done horror flick I'm afraid you may find yourself disappointed. While the camp manages to stimulate a few laughs it cannot manage to atone for the movie's innumerable ridiculous mistakes.
IF YOU LIKED THIS MOVIE DON'T READ ANYMORE!
I watched this movie...after the first ten minutes...for the laugh factor. If you stake a vampire through the stomach they die? Vampires can't defend themselves against puny mortal police officers? Oh and they growl like dinosaurs? I've been a fan of vampires all my life, and I have NEVER seen a vampire movie as bad as this.
The acting was absolutely horrible. What's with the pursing of the lips after each line? REALLY?? Alex looked like he wanted to make out with himself every three seconds. The action scenes were laughable, you can't even really call them action scenes. I won't even go into the comical background noises and the music tracks and the hilariously bad British (as well as other) accents that seemed to come and go among all the characters. The vampires live together in a big cushy mansion, but they all sleep in a crypt in the backyard in their own individual coffins. How archaic can you get? If they're going to sleep in coffins...AT LEAST HAVE THE COFFINS IN THE BIG CUSHY MANSION!!! The big names were the dwarf and the guy from Karate Kid who ran the Cobra Dojo. Tells you how big those names are, I can't even remember them and I've seen Karate Kid AND the Dwarf more times than I care to admit LOL. After doing this movie I'd doubt those two will ever work again.
I fully comprehend that this was an independent film, but what was the budget? $200? I only gave this one 1 star....because it doesn't give a zero option! As a vampire fan, I take this movie as a personal insult.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
awful the worst film, if you can call it film. the vampires were hissing like mad everywhere in such a hilarious way that I laughed the entire movie. and when the hunter was on their track, all they did was to make a funny noise and wait for the spike. when they encounter the police, they wanted t keep a low profile by yelling at he moon like dogs? i think they were amateurs filming behind the blocks. they were so fake. and stupid, in the forest nobody was behind them, they were 4, the hunters were 2, but they were afraid to leave. no really? this film is a joke, a bad joke. and they ate like pigs, i didn't know vampires feast gathered like pigs around the victim. more, they lift their head and yell again at the moon. i think chickens lift the head when they drink water. and when Alex was near the pigs at dinner, he helped himself not to eat in such a way.. let's be serious, that was the stupid thing i have ever seen i do not think i save seen a worse movie. i would give it a minus infinite, but this site allows online positive marks.... impossible, the actors should grow up and stop playing with the cameras, and fake teeth.
I have not seen a worse movie in many, many years. From the writing, to
the production, to the actors, this is just awful.
Right off the bat, you know you are in for a bad ride. The actors spout inane lines in a deadpan monotone. While it is true that they are not responsible for the confused plot, which rambles about pretty much pointlessly throughout, they could at least put some effort into the deliverance of the lines. The effects throughout the movie are equally lame.
The movie is just full of unbelievable characters, doing unrealistic things from the poorly portrayed cops to the ridiculously portrayed illuminati, to the vampires that no one could really care about.
I just cannot believe that it is possible that any person or group of persons could have thought that producing this drivel was a good idea. Who pays for garbage like this? (I mean the producers, etc). I guess they never once saw any of it before it was done, otherwise they would surely have pulled the plug on it. For some of the reviews I have read that gave a positive review...they HAD to have meant a different movie. No one, I mean no one, could like this. Awful. Terrible. P-U, it stunk, badly. Some movies are so bad, you actually just have to see it. Unfortunately, this is not one of them. Although it is really bad, it is not even entertaining in its badness.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Alright..... First of all... I would like to comment on the fact that
this movie appears to be low budget... that is alright, it's not a
problem. But it doesn't help the poor quality acting. I have seen
better acting in a middle school play. Some parts of the movie are
redeemable, i will not mention which parts because i don't want to ruin
it for the people who enjoy watching trash. But, i can honestly say,
these parts are not worth the movie rental. I am currently viewing this
film and regretting every second of it.
List of Reasons to watch this train wreck....
10. Poor acting 9. bad effects 8. acts as a sedative 7. comic relief 6. cures any fear of vampires 5. animalistic behaviors 4. no reason to want to cheat on your significant other with a vampire 3. bad voice over's 2. motivation for house work to get away from your television 1. hooker's and clown's running the show
Please do yourself a favor and just leave this one sit on the shelf at your local blockbuster. It's not worth the effort.
I have never ever in my life seen such a ridiculous movie. What a waste
of money and my time..but than again, The movie could not have cost
more than a couple of hundred bucks.. I hope the real Dracula will not
I'd think he would settle it his way with the director of this crap. And isn't that the bad guy dojo master from the Karate Kid. Does this guy still walks the earth, what a surprise
Making real movies is still an artform that not so many people know to do in a way that one really is grabbed out of ones life and thrown right into the story..
So, if you have bought this movie..i'm terribly sorry for you. If you have downloaded this movie (like me) than Shift+Delete this one immediately!
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