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|Index||12 reviews in total|
This guys are geniuses. I mean, aliens flying as pigs through outer
space and landing and becoming babes? That is so incredibly smart and
funny. Plus, get this. Ana Nicole Smith is playing... you're never
going to guess this... are you ready?... a stupid blond bimbo. Can you
imagine? Her playing a stupid blond bimbo? That's genius. Where do they
come up with this stuff? They must have, like, talent or something, and
genius, yeah, genius, and, like, they must be really, really funny
people to make this kind of movies.
Anyway, I did give this movie a 2, not a 1, 'cause at one point I almost laughed, when this guy finds JC.
Bottom line, if you want to see Anna Nicole Smith, find some old number of Playboy or something, and if you want to see a comedy, see Hot Fuzz, 'cause that's really funny. But I, for one, can't imagine any possible reason for recommending this movie to anybody.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
So here is an ultra-low budget rip off of Men In Black, with a
primarily female cast. WWE's Chyna plays the alien possessed villain,
while Anna Nicole Smith and two unknowns play attractive earth girls
possessed by heroic aliens. They battle each other for the future of
You will probably figure out very quickly if you will be able to watch this movie all the way through or not. Anna Nicole and Chyna overact horribly, like junior high students trying to outdo Al Pacino most over the top moments. You can expect lines like, "Why is my poopy hole sore?" And yet, once I got used to just how terrible everything about this movie was, I did find some laugh-out-loud moments. It actually starts to kick in during the second half, when I had already given up on liking anything about it.
I think I might actually like to watch this again some day, just to see if it really was as likable as I remember. Because of that, I will give it a 5 out of 10. It really is ultra-cheap trash, but that was what I was looking for.
Illegal Aliens (2007)
* 1/2 (out of 4)
Three aliens come to Earth and take the form of hot women so that they can battle evil aliens that are already here and planning on some destruction. ILLEGAL ALIENS is a mostly forgettable picture that managed to pick up some "fame" when its star Anna Nicole Smith died before its release. The film is pretty much a throwback to those cheap "B" straight-to-video releases of the 1990s, something that Smith was quite familiar with. Overall this here is basically just a mix of CHARLIE'S ANGELS and MEN IN BLACK with a few winks to other films including THE TERMINATOR. Was the film awful? Well, yes, but I think that was somewhat the point as the film certainly isn't meaning for anyone to take it too serious. This is obvious just by the extremely cheap special effects and just take a look at the flying pigs early on. After seeing the pigs flying through space, if you're still expecting something serious then you need to check yourself. With that said, the biggest problem with this movie is the same problem as so many other low-budget pictures and that's the fact that it just keeps dragging on for no good reason. Remember the good old days when a "B" movie could be bad yet fun? Remember they ran just over a hour? Well, this bad "B" movie clocks in at 96-minutes, which is about thirty minutes too long. I can't help but think this thing would have been so much more entertaining had the scissors just been taken to it. As for the cast, for the most part everyone is exactly what you'd expect from a film like this. Smith, in her last film role, is pretty forgettable as she really doesn't add anything to the picture, which is somewhat strange considering how she usually had no problems drawing attention to herself.
This movie was hilarious. It was so bad and campy that it was funny, if you go into expecting a serious comedy you're wrong. You can see them making fun of themselves throughout the movie. Sometimes you just need to watch a movie in which you have to do no thinking, this is that movie. Go in with the right attitude, give it a chance and pay attention to the little things. You know they meant the movie to be this way. Totally B-movie, 70's campyness. Anna Nicole Smith was a comedic actress for sure. I liked this movie, not enough to buy but enough that it kept me laughing for sure. Watch all the features, especially the outtakes and deleted scenes. Just my opinion.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Why was this "movie" thought of, made into a script, approved to be made, and carried out? According to the tag line, the movie 'Ilegal Aliens' is supposed to Men in Black meets Charlie's Angels! Yeah, right. It's worst, it's a steaming pile of you know what. Don't worry, Anna Nicole Smith will make farting and urinating sounds to remind you of what type of movie, you're watching. Ilegal Aliens is just awful. Illegal Aliens is a science fiction film starring Anna Nicole Smith and Joanie "Chyna" Laurer. Here we have two of the most plastic, phony women the world has ever known.in one movie with little to no plot. Guided by a holographic mentor Syntax from a space agency. Three agents including Anne Nicole Smith as Lucy are sent down to protect the earth from a intergalactic terrorist Rex (Joanie Laurer). The three aliens take the form of beautiful American women ditching their default ET forms. Anne Nicole Smith is a hybrid, dumb blonde with child voice spitting out random stupid lines ranging from Shakespeare to celeb pop lines. Little is different between her character and her real life self. The other two actresses Lenise Soren and Glady Jimerez are just there to be the straight girls fit in the nonsense sex and crotch jokes from the oddball characters that Anne and Joanie play in the movie. Joanie Laurer plays Rex- a male alien in a female body. We get from Chyna, overacting evil laughing, facial expression, and bad bad jokes. There are a lot of satirical and "breaking the fourth wall" jokes that would work better in a better spoof. The film has one of the worst CGI ever, if it's suppose to be a tribute to the B-movies sci fi's special effects, it's just works to make it look bad. Seriously, it's like they just threw whatever stock models they had against a space background like flying pigs. Not only in the space, but in the explosion they used in this film is stock footage. Half the movie is either fiery explosions or stock footage of buildings imploding as well. This movie marks the last movie for Anne Nicole Smith who died a year later over a drug overdose. She was a model "actress" who married a 100 year old billionaire for his money and tried to get it when he croaked and she did a lot of drugs and drinking and had a reality show. The end. She wasn't the greatest, she wasn't a great role model, and she wasn't that great of a person or actress. The saddest part of Anna Nicole's death is that the public are robbed of fine film performances such as this one. Imagine all the direct-to-video discount bin films we'll never see now at your local Wal-Mart. What a shame.
"Charlie's Angels" meets "Men In Black", says the tagline on the DVD cover of "Illegal Aliens", and for once they got it right: like CA this movie has a trio of hot female crime-fighters (in this case, aliens in human form), and like MIB their mission is to protect the Earth from aliens with evil ambitions (add a bit of "Superman II", and you pretty much have the plot mix). Of course this is primarily meant to be a spoof, but too often the humor is forced and stale: fart jokes have never been and will never be very funny, and even the satirical and "breaking the fourth wall" jokes (such as a "Villain Monologue Timer" that appears on the screen, or the director of the film yelling "cut" and talking to the actors) have been done before, and better (remember that "Dead Body Counter" in "Hot Shots Part Deux"?). In her last film appearance, Anna Nicole Smith plays the lightheaded, childlike agent: it's an one-note performance, but she hits that one note well and she's pretty adorable. Joanie Laurer AKA Chyna chews the scenery to the 9th degree, which can get pretty tiresome, but at least she's still in good shape - if she ever wanted to return to wrestling, she looks like she could do it. As Anna's fellow agents, Lenise Sorén and Gladys Jimenez play it more straight and come off the best; they both also have fantastic physiques and the skimpy outfits to show them. In fact, I think that the people who will probably get the most out of this movie are the admirers of athletic female bodies. (**1/2)
So, I rented this shortly after the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, who I admit, I love. Loved her show, loved watching her be crazy, loved how beautiful she was. So many people had told me how funny this movie was. It got decent reviews on here, and even the guy standing next to e in line at the video store told me it was one of the funniest movies he had ever seen. Okay. I thought this might be a great way to pass a Thursday night at home with a bowl of popcorn. Wrong. I just din't get it? Why is this funny? I LIKE stupid-funny movies, but this one was lost on me. Yes, I realize it starred Anna Nicole Smith and Chyna, but I heard that it was originally intended as a vehicle for Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I have to say that I rented the film out of morbid curiosity after Anna Nicole Smith died. The web buzz on this film was nasty and I didn't expect much - I kind of wanted it to suck. What I got was a surprisingly funny and yes, very stupid but amazingly inventive, edgy and intelligent comedy that left me smirking for days. The film starts out letting your worst fears set in for the first seven minutes or so, looking like you have a long slog through Chyna's screams and Anna's inability to act - but it seems that is all intentional as Director David Giancola is neatly setting you up for the rest of the film which takes a complete, wayyy left turn as it parodies not only Anna's bad acting (in a bold move as she stupidly fumbles a line, starting the real laughs!) but also the "dumbing down" of major studio blockbusters in a biting and hilarious way that no studio film would dare. The film then gets funnier and funnier, outdoing not only the grossest gags of any of the Farrelly brothers films but even John Waters. While Giancola's affection for fart jokes goes a bit far, it is jaw-dropping that he gets the late Ms. Smith to be the object of most of them is stunning. The film does not so much have a third act as it basically deconstructs in a goofy and highly experimental section with an ending scene that not only brilliantly wraps up the film but also is the first of it's kind. IGNORE ANY OF THE SNARKY COMMENTS AND HYPERBOLE YOU MAY HAVE HEARD BY THE WEB-HATERS and check out this low-budget gem. Yes, Ms. Smith was no angel and we are all sick of the news coverage but I have to be totally honest, I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard, and Mr. Giancola's pacing won't waste your time. He has obviously been laboring in the low-budget realm for years, but I bet if his last name was the same as those young insider kids; Kasdan, Coppola, or Reitman, we would be seeing his next studio film soon.
Unfortunately Illegal Aliens(2007)does not work at all.Since the cast has not a director,who is able to take seriously the directing,perhaps he was not the only person who is responsible for this irritatingly bad movie.(by far)Lot of people feels like the producers are also had the problem:how to make move,and speak people those real talent was lost when they become enough rich to feel like they are in safe.The script is also flat just like dialogs,but we know this was direct,this is why I have to say this movie will not satisfy people with good,or normal taste,but I have to tell you,as a big thrash fans like me,also this time not recommend this movie.
Anna Nicole Smith was never going to a big star in perhaps the way we
few stars of a certain stature.
What she had going for her was there for all to see, and to be honest who actually thought that she had any worthwhile acting talent? Of course when it comes to her final movie, namely 'Illegal Aliens' I suddenly had a change of heart.
I first saw the trailer on the same disc as that most often talked about debacle 'Transmorphers' and while I don't want to veer to far from my train of thought, 'Transmorphers' was indeed a very unsatisfying way to spend my ninety plus minutes in front the tube.
If I were to be honest, I couldn't stop watching the trailer for Anna Nicole's movie.
Now although she headlined the movie, star power was in abundance to back her up, when I say star power, we really should realise that this is a straight to DVD B movie.
That being said, with the presence of Chyna aka Joanie Lauer and in a very brief cameo as a mob boss John James, the film was never going to lack in the acting stakes.
Perhaps mentioning acting and Chyna in the same breath really should be taken too seriously but she really did steal the vast majority of the movie as the tough talking allbeit possessed by something not of our world tough and deadly femme.
I guess like most movies though, the best bits were to be found within the trailer, isn't that always the way, but as mentioned in my summary, funny in parts, and this is all down to the participation of Anna Nicole, who it must be said, although ditching her glamorous look, really did look rather attractive in her ditzy fashion outfits, as well as and this is of major importance, the sever overacting of Chyna.
But when it comes to a cohesive storyline structure, the narrative was all over the place, but hey, with a storyline as outrageous as this, perhaps this was the best way to approach it.
If I was asked what I could compare this movie to? when watching it, having watched many a B movie down through the decades, the two that came to mind where 'Assault Of The Killer Bimbos' & 'Earth Girls Are Easy' of course within the movie the most obvious reference belongs to 'Charlie's Angels'.
Edgewood Studios might not be The Asylum, but at least they can deliver a more entertaining film complete with a humorous script, some decent acting for a movie of this nature and of course the main course ingredient, pretty girls to look at, and that does include the late Anna Nicole Smith.
My rating is 6/10 and that
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