Maggie Murdock: What's your game?
Jamie Randall: My game?
Maggie Murdock: Oh I'm sorry. Right. This is the part where we talk about where we come from and what we majored in in college.
Jamie Randall: You have beautiful eyes.
Maggie Murdock: That's it? That's the best you got?
Jamie Randall: I'm serious. They're beautiful.
Maggie Murdock: Let's go.
Jamie Randall: Excuse me?
Maggie Murdock: You want to close right? You want to get laid?
Jamie Randall: Now?
Maggie Murdock: Oh right, right, right. I'm supposed to act like I don't know if it's right. So then you tell me that there is no right or wrong. It's just the moment. And then I tell you that I can't while actually signalling to you that I can, which you don't need because you're not really listening. Because this isn't about connection for you. This isn't even about sex for you. This is about finding an hour or two of relief from the pain of being you. And that's fine with me, see, because all I want is the exact same thing.
Jamie Randall: Sometimes the things you want the most don't happen and what you least expect happens. I don't know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed forever.
Jamie Randall: [about selling Viagra] Bruce? Bruce? I want that account!
Bruce Winston: Why would I give it to you?
Jamie Randall: Who can sell dick drug better than me?
California Man: [about Parkinson disease] It's not a disease, it's a Russian novel.
Maggie Murdock: You are not a good person because you pity fucked a sick girl.
Jamie Randall: Let's just say in some alternate universe, there's a couple just like us, okay? Only she's healthy and he's perfect. And their world is about how much they're going to spend on vacation or who's in a bad mood that day, or whether they feel guilty about having a cleaning lady. I don't want to be those people. I want us. You. This.
Jamie Randall: [on the bus] I need you.
Maggie Murdock: Please go away.
Jamie Randall: I drove a really long way to say that!
Maggie Murdock: What, am I supposed to be impressed?
Jamie Randall: I don't know, yes?
Jamie Randall: I'm full of shit, okay? No I'm... I'm *knowingly* full of shit. Because, uh... because uh, uh... I have... I have *never* cared about anybody or anything in my entire life. And the thing is, everybody just kind of accepted that. Like, "That's just Jamie." And then you!... Jesus. *You*. You. You didn't see me that way. I have never known anyone who actually believed that I was enough. Until I met you. And then you made me believe it, too. So, uh... unfortunately... I need you. And you need me.
Maggie Murdock: No I don't.
Jamie Randall: Yes you do.
Maggie Murdock: No I don't.
Jamie Randall: *Yes*, you do.
Maggie Murdock: Stop it, stop saying that.
Jamie Randall: You need someone to take care of you.
Maggie Murdock: No, I don't!
Jamie Randall: Everybody does.
Maggie Murdock: I'm gonna need you more than you need me.
Jamie Randall: That's okay.
Maggie Murdock: [crying] No it's not! It isn't *fair*! I have places to go!
Jamie Randall: You'll go there. I just may have to carry you.
Maggie Murdock: ...I can't ask you to do that.
Jamie Randall: You didn't.
Jamie Randall: Hey, Lisa.
Bruce Winston: Her name's not Lisa.
Jamie Randall: I know. I know. But, if everytime I say "Hey, Lisa", then eventually she'll come up to me and she'll be like, you know, "My name's not Lisa it's... Jennifer"... whatever, and I'll do a big apology and I'll say, "I thought you were the Lisa who was mad at me for not calling". And, from then on Jennifer, or whatever her name is, will think that I dated a girl who looked just like her... who I rejected. She'll develop this unconscious need to win my approval and from then on, it's cake.
Bruce Winston: Damn!
Josh Randall: What do you say we blow this joint and then each other?
Jamie Randall: [Last lines] I used to worry a lot about who I'd be when I grew up. You know, like how much money I'd make or, umm, like some day I'd become some big deal. Sometimes, the thing you want most doesn't happen. And sometimes, the thing you never expect does. Like giving up my job in Chicago and everything and deciding to stay and apply to med school. I don't know. You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed... forever.