Friday the 13th (2009)
[coming out of a cramped backseat]
Chewie: Oh, my God. Babies have more space in the uterus.
Pamela Voorhees: Did you know a young boy drowned here? He was my son. And today, is his birthday.
Clay: Hey, I'm not from around here, but I'm looking for my sister. She's gone missing.
Chewie: [hands over hockey stick to Jason] Are you looking for this? Because, uh, it completes your outfit.
Lawrence: [about Bree] Just go over there and fucking talk to her.
Chewie: Are you kidding? I have a better shot at fucking a penguin than that girl.
Richie: Do you know how many lakes are probably called Crystal Lake? It's like Crystal Geyser, Crystal Water. Go to a supermarket. Every single bottled water is named "Crystal" something.
Bree: [speaking softly to Chewie with a flaming drink] Did you forget how to drink that? Just bring it to your lips, blow, and suck.
Trent: Your tits are stupendous.
Bree: Wow, you really know how to make a girl feel special.
Chewie: [while watching Bree dancing] In my next life, I wanna come back as one of the buttons on the ass pockets of her jean shorts.
Lawrence: [Clay and Jenna just ran inside the house telling him they found a body] You fucking with me because I'm high? That's not cool. Because I just finished fucking smoking, okay?
Chewie: [after breaking Trent's chair] They don't call me the "wood wizard" because I masturbate a lot.
Pamela Voorhees: Come here. Come here now.
Camp Counselor: No.
Pamela Voorhees: You're the last one. I've killed all the others. It'll be easier for you than it was for Jason.
Camp Counselor: Why are you doing this?
Pamela Voorhees: You need to be punished for what you did to him.
Camp Counselor: I didn't do anything.
Pamela Voorhees: You let him drown. Jason was my son.
Camp Counselor: I didn't do anything. No. No. No. Please.
Pamela Voorhees: You should have been watching him. Every minute.
[Camp Counselor decapitates Pamela. Young Jason approaches the body, picks up a photo-locket]
Pamela Voorhees: Jason. My special, special boy. They must be punished, Jason. For what they did to you. For what they did to me.
Pamela Voorhees: [Young Jason picks up the machete, walks away] Kill for mother.
Richie: I'm not gonna out there with a boner.
Amanda: Well, you're not gonna get any until you do.
Trent: [to Clay] I would probably leave soon before I get pissed off and, you know...
[looks from Clay to door, seemingly tough]
Clay: [unfazed] What happens then?
Lawrence: I got business I gotta do this weekend.
Chelsea: What business?
Lawrence: Music. I'm trying to start a label.
Chelsea: Oh, yeah? Like what kind? Like rap?
Lawrence: Why you gotta go racial? Look, don't put me in a box, all right? What, because I'm black I can't listen to Green Day?
Chelsea: You're right, that was dumb. So, what kind of music?
Trent: Hey, Lawrence, how about a little help?
Lawrence: Dude, that's not a good look for you, man. You ask the one black guy to pump the gas for you? Shit.
Trent: Okay. Nolan. How about I pay, you pump?
Nolan: Sure, man. Hey, I give a wicked blow job too.
Trent: Okay, well, um, we'll try that out later.
Chewie: [grabs a hockey stick] Hey. Now, this is a real man's sport. You're even curved to the left, like my penis.
Whitney Miller: Jason. Say hi to Mommy...
[stabs Jason with machete]
Whitney Miller: ...in hell.
[walking down the path after breaking Trent's chair, imitates Trent]
Chewie: Hi, my name is Trent. My daddy bent me over this chair and beat me when I was little, so you need to fix it.
Trent: [while having sex with Bree] Your tits are so juicy, dude!
Trent: [to Jenna, his girlfriend, while having sex with Bree] We're busy in here baby!
Trent: [while having sex with Bree] You should win in a fucking titty contest!
Old Lady: People go missing around here, they're gone for good. Outsiders come, they don't know where to walk. They bring trouble. We just want to be left alone. And so does he.
[refers to Jason]
Clay: So does who?
Donnie: [to Clay] You're fucking lucky there, stretch. Came that close to hitting the start button on the whoop-ass machine, boy.
Donnie: [tears burlap sac off Jason revealing his face] That shit ain't fucking right, dude. What the fuck?
[Jason slashes his throat]
Pamela Voorhees: His name was Jason. And today, is his birthday...