How to Slay a Vampire (1995)

Two shiftless brothers discover a vampire wrapped in a rug bought at a flea market. Trying to kill it turns out to be somewhat problematic however, as none of the traditional methods listed in folklore seem to work.

Directors:

John Polonia, Mark Polonia,

Writers:

John Polonia, Mark Polonia

Stars:

Jennifer Burnier, Marion Costly, Maria Davis

Cast

Credited cast:
Jennifer Burnier
Marion Costly	...	(as Marion Costley)
Maria Davis
Count Francis	...	Himself
Gary LeBlanc
Jesse LeBlanc
Scott Losinger
Chris Louhr
John Polonia
Mark Polonia
Todd Rimatti
Eric Smith
Lynn Smith

Storyline

Two shiftless brothers discover a vampire wrapped in a rug bought at a flea market. Trying to kill it turns out to be somewhat problematic however, as none of the traditional methods listed in folklore seem to work.

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Plot Keywords:

cellar | abusive parent | brother brother relationship | old lady | closet | 

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Genres:

Comedy

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Details

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Release Date:

1995 (USA)

Company Credits

Technical Specs

Runtime:

82 min

Color:

Color

User Reviews

Hilariously bad, but in a real good way.

I found this treat at Moviestop in a clear plastic case. On the other side of the disc is Rock 'n' Roll Frankenstein.

The other commenter is right: this is the worst movie ever, and how it was released on DVD is mystery that the universe will take with it to its grave. The first time I watched it, I was completely silent, shocked into a taciturn stupor. On the second viewing I didn't stop laughing until the end credits rolled. And then I immediately called four of my bad-movie-loving friends and ran the movie again.

Filmed with the same video camera with which your uncle Gary videotaped your 1986 family reunion, How to Slay a Vampire is a masterpiece of low-budget, self-referential, completely absurd film-making. The Polonias' talent may lie outside the realm of film, but they are refreshingly aware of the fact, and the result is better than anything a high-minded talentless director could have done. (Tony Scott, I'm looking in your direction.) Seriously, this may just be the most entertaining thing you'll see, as long as it is paired with some open-minded friends and an appropriate drinking game. Unlike other "worst movies ever made" (Zombie Lake, Hell of the Living Dead), How to Slay... keeps your attention all the way through. You'll want to watch it several times to catch all the no-budget madness.

Things to watch for: special effects created with MS Paint, a strange television program about dinosaurs and one of the brothers' hilarious reactions to it, a scene deleted for practical reasons, a critique of an old cartoon (listen for the ethereal music), an errant boom mic, and a wonderfully dated drum 'n' bass beat.