Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
Fry: [Fry struggles to cry and fails] It's no use. I want to cry, but I'm just too macho.
Bender: I'll make you cry, buddy. You're a pimple on society's ass and you'll never amount to anything.
Fry: Wha'd'you mean? I was emperor of a whole planet.
Bender: Good point... but here's a disturbing reminder: anyone you knew or loved in the 20th century is dead.
Fry: These things happen.
Bender: Okay, Fry, grab a Kleenex for this one, 'cause there's no god and your idiotic human ideals are laughable. Ha ha ha!
Fry: Phew, that's a load off my mind
Bender: Man, I guess it's harder than I thought to make someone cry.
Amy Wong: You did your best, Bender.
Bender: Up yours, bimbo!
Dr. Zoidberg: Let's face it, we're in hot butter here. We should call Leela for help.
Bender: Cram it, lobster!
Fry: Now that you mention it, I do have trouble breathing underwater sometimes. I'll take the gills.
Shady Guy: Yes, gills. Then, uh, you don't need lungs anymore, is right?
Fry: Can't imagine why I would.
Shady Guy: Lie down on table. I take lungs now, gills come next week.
Leela: I know you like cooking shows, but you're a robot. You don't even have a sense of taste.
Bender: Honey, I wouldn't talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Good news, everyone.
Bender: Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: You'll be making a delivery to the planet Trisol.
Bender: Here it comes.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: A mysterious world in the darkest depths of the Forbidden Zone.
Bender: Thank you, and good night.
Leela: Professor, are we even allowed in the Forbidden Zone?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Why of course. It's just a name, like the Death Zone, or the Zone of No Return. All the zones have names like that in the Galaxy of Terror.
Leela: [Bender is serving first meal on ship and she whispers to the rest of crew] This is Bender's first meal as chef and he's a little sensitive. So let's try and be supportive.
Leela: [Everyone takes a bite and gags] Oh Dear God!
Dr. Zoidberg: A fancy dress gala? I'll wear my formal shell.
Bender: Hey, buddy. I'm looking for fresh slug.
Neptunian Vendor: Yellow or purple?
Neptunian Vendor: The purple one causes terrible, nightmarish diarrhea.
Bender: Yeah, yeah, either one's fine.
Fry: That's the saltiest thing I ever tasted, and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.
Hermes Conrad: Bender, it has come to my attention that this company has been paying you to do nothing but loaf around on the couch.
Bender: You call that a couch? I demand a pillow!
Fry: [looking at an empty portrait frame marked Fry's Assassin's Assassin] Well, at least my assassin will get what's coming to him.
Fry: Wow, you guys have every kind of meat here except human.
Neptunian Vendor: What? You want human?
Amy Wong: I don't think you have anything to worry about. These people seem pretty mild-mannered.
Dr. Zoidberg: They are mild. In fact, you're soaking in one right now.
Gorgak: You've touched me in ways I've never been touched before.
Fry: Hey, whatcha' watchin'?
Bender: [hastily turning off the TV] Uh, nothin'!
Leela: Was that a cooking show?
Bender: No, of course not! It was, uh... porno! Yeah, that's it!
Leela: [turning the TV back on] Bender! I didn't know you liked cooking. That's so cute.
Bender: Aww, it's true. I've been hiding it for so long...
Fry: It's okay Bender, I like cooking too.
Bender: I was telling Fry you were dead so that he would cry out the emperor, but you had to spoil it by surviving.
Elzar: Of course the most important ingredient is this little baby right here, the Neptunian slug. You can get it from a can, but to really do things right, you gotta strangle yourself a fresh one.
[he grabs the slug; it starts to grow]
Elzar: This is why you always want to have cast iron cookware.
[starts hitting the slug with a pan]
Amy Wong: Is this salt water?
Bender: It's salt with water in it, if that's what you mean.
Fry: My vision's fading! I think I'm gonna die!
Bender: There was nothing wrong with that food. The salt level was 10% less than a lethal dose.
Dr. Zoidberg: Uh oh. I shouldn't have had seconds.
Shady Guy: You want to buy organ? Fresh and cheap, ready for transplant.
Fry: Ooh! What's this?
Shady Guy: Ah! Is X-ray eyes. See through anything.
Fry: Wait a minute! This says Z-ray.
Shady Guy: Z is just as good. In fact, is better. Is two more than X.
Leela: Look at these guys. Do you have any idea what the average span of their reign was?
Fry: Eighty thousand years?
Leela: No. One week!
Fry: Damn! I knew you wouldn't have asked me unless it was really low or really high.
Murg: This is Your Majesty's harem. You may choose any of these maidens to be your royal consort.
Fry: Puh, puh, puh... How about that one?
Murg: Oh, I didn't realize Your Majesty was into that sort of thing.
Fry: On second thought, I'll take that one.
Murg: Hey, whatever you say. I'm not here to pass judgement.