Leela: I'm sorry you had to see that, Fry. Usually I keep my sadness pent up inside where it can fester quietly as a mental illness.
Fry: Yeah. That's what I do with my stupidness.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone! You all know the orphanarium where Leela grew up?
Fry: Sure. We talk about it all the time.
Fry: No. Burn!
Hermes Conrad: It looks like toxic waste. And it smells like toxic waste.
Fry: What does it taste like?
Hermes Conrad: Delicious fig pudding. Oh, that's good. But a distinct aftertaste of toxic waste.
Fry: Isn't there anything more you can tell me?
Warden Vogel: Nothing that wouldn't be a waste of your time.
Fry: That is impossible, because my time is worthless.
Fry: Isn't that the machine that makes noses?
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: It can do other things. Why shouldn't it?
Leela: All I really wanted was a mom and dad, to hold me and stroke my hair and tell me they love me.
Fry: Then today is your lucky day, because I happen to be a holding, stroking, loving machine. Also spanking.
Leela: That's not remotely what I had in mind.
Fry: Leela, don't shoot!
Leela: But they killed my parents!
[removes the hoods from the mutants]
Leela: They are my parents!
Leela: Wait a minute. Why aren't you gonna kill us anymore?
Bender: Yeah. What are you, chicken?
Fry: Shut up, you two. We can kill ourselves when we get home.
Smitty: Hey, get back in the sewer, weirdie. No mutants in the surface.
Vyolet: But he ruined my wedding dress.
Bender: Honey, that thing was ruined the minute it went on you. That's what I'm talking about.
[Leela emerges from the mutagenic lake with an octopus on her head]
Leela: The lake didn't mutate me. What is going on here?
Octopus: It worked for me. I used to be a little blonde girl named Virginia.
Hermes Conrad: I order you to dispose of that toxic waste properly or bribe me. Either way, it'll cost you $500.
Bender: 500 real dollars? That's an outrage! Professor, I can take care of that waste for only $499 and one hundred cents.
Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Hmm, I know that's a rip, but I'll pay for the convenience.
Warden Vogel: I'll never forget the night that cute little alien baby was abandoned on our doorstep, because I have a photographic memory, and I remember every night.
Nina: [puts on an eyepatch] Look at me! I'm Leela!
Albert: [covers both eyes] Nuh-uh, 'cause I'm double-Leela!
[runs with both eyes covered, bumps into wall]
Warden Vogel: That's it, Albert. No more lattes for you.
Leela: And what about this? Where did you get this bracelet? Did you steal it from me when I was a baby? Or from my parents? You robbed my parents, didn't you? I bet you sick mutants killed them! My parents were confused aliens lost on Earth and you killed them! Is that it? Admit it!
Turanga Morris: Yes. We killed them.
Turanga Munda: You guessed the truth.
Leela: Argh! Because of you, I'll never meet my real parents! I'll kill you!
Turanga Munda: That would be best.
Raoul: This time, I'm calling for the death penalty, and not just because I'm running for reelection as Supreme Mutant.
Mutants: Four more years! Four more years!
Fry: [after seeing the effects of the mutagenic lake on a rat] It's like that time I peeked at the kitchen at Imperial Hunan.
Leela: Mr Vogel?, Remember me ?
Warden Vogel: Leela., You're worthless and no one will ever love you.
[both laughing and hugging]
Leela: You used to say that all the time.
Warden Vogel: Those were happier days.
Leela: What is all this? Am I a game to you, or some kind of even more boring Truman Show? Do you believe I'm your Messiah? Your mutant Dalai Lama? Stop me if I guess it.
Leela: I told a whole crowd today that being an orphan made me strong... But all I really wanted was a mom and dad; to hold me, and stroke my hair, and tell me they loved me...
Fry: [Grins confidently] Then today's your lucky day, because I happen to be a holding, stroking, lovin' machine. Also spankin'.
Leela: [Looks down glumly] That isn't even *close* to what I had in mind...
Fry: [His tone becomes more serious] Well, anyway...
[Puts his hand comfortingly on her shoulder]
Fry: Just remember that people care about you.
Leela: I know...