Lily: Look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business, but please don't act like that around here.
Marshall: Lily, when Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-...
Lily: No, when Dr. Australia Birdbath-Vaseline came home from the gorillas, she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and throwing feces!
Marshall: [after telling Lily how he wants to provide them with the 'life ideal' of home, school for the children, et al] I know that you don't need it, but I love you and I want to give it to you anyway. I want to give you the package.
Lily: The package? You've already given me the package. You've got a great package, Marshall. I love your package.
Marshall: Lily, you're the most incredible woman I know, and you deserve a big package.
Lily: Your package has always been big enough. You may not realize this Marshall Eriksen, but you've got a hugh package.
Marshall: [another woman who overheard the conversation smiles curiously as Marshall follows Lily] Yeah.
Barney: [to Marshall] Look at you. You suited in an unmistakably upward direction.
Barney: [about what was wrong with Marshall's high-five] Marshall, I should feel tremors of psych-itude rock my body like a seizure. That was like a declawed, pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy Sunday afternoon.
Marshall: Wow, that was... *really* specific.
Blauman: But wait, knock-knock, back door, who's there? Angelina Jolie... wait, in a wheelchair. What do you do? Go.
Bilson: Dude, Scarlett Johannsen with no arms, any day of the week. Yeah!
[Barney is singing karaoke and Marshall cuts the music]
Barney: Dude, Rocckupied.
Marshall: Wow, that is a boatload of motivation posters!
Barney: Yeah, I got them all! Team work, courage, awesomeness...
Marshall: There is one for awesomeness?
Barney: Yeah, I had it made.
Narrator: When your Uncle Marshall was ten years old, he read a book called Life Among the Gorillas. It was written by an anthropologist named Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez, it told the story of the year she spent living among the Western Lowland Gorillas of Cameroon. When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez came to the local community college to give a lecture, Marshall, the youngest member of the audience, raised his hand with a question.
Young Marshall: What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist?
Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez: So you want to be an anthropologist?
Young Marshall: Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did.
Narrator: What she said next changed his life.
Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez: Oh, that's wonderful, but I'm afraid you can't. They'll all be dead by then.
Marshall: After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC. They're gonna stop global warming.
Narrator: [In 2030] Well... I mean... they did their best.
Marshall: Hey, so, now that I'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is?
Barney: [Waves hand dismissively] Please.
Ted Mosby: [after getting an ominous-sounding e-mail from Victoria] So she's going to dump me. Has anyone ever said, "Listen, I've been thinking," and then follow it up with something good? It's not like: Listen, I've been thinking, Nutter-Butters are an underrated cookie. What else can it be? What could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail?
Robin Scherbatsky: I cut off all my fingers?
Marshall: [after Barney tells him to fit in at work he must change his entire personality] Okay, at first, I was appalled, but then I realized it's just like Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vasquez in Life Among the Gorillas. I have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them. It's an anthropological study. Isn't that cool?
Lily: It sounds kinda like peer pressure.
Marshall: No, no, no. It's totally anthropological and it's cool and I'm doing it.
Lily: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year.
Marshall: I'm *portraying* someone who succumbs to peer pressure.
Lily: All right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?
Marshall: Only when I'm drunk.
Bilson: Okay, Eriksen, let's get to work. It's 2:00 a.m. It's raining outside. Ding dong! What? The doorbell? Oh, hello, Jessica Alba in a trench coat and nothing else. But wait - knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door?
Marshall: I don't have a back door.
Bilson: [Ignores this] Oh, my gosh, Jessica Simpson? What a surprise. Two Jessicas, you gotta pick one. What do you do? Go.
Marshall: Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so...
Bilson: Fiancee's out of town. What do you do? Go.
Marshall: We're still engaged, even if she's...
Bilson: Okay, fiancee's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go.