[while listening to a football game on a Walkman in church]
Homer: Please, please, please, please...
Sportscaster: Yes, it's good.
Homer: IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOOD. IT'S GOOD. It's... good to see you all today.
Bart: Uh, ma'am, what if you're a really good person but you're in a really, really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Sunday School Teacher: For the last time, Bart, yes!
Homer Simpson: [on heaven] I can understand why they wouldn't let in those wild jungle apes, but what about those really smart ones who live among us who rollerskate and smoke cigars?
Bart: I was wondering, how important is it to be popular?
Homer Simpson: I'm glad you asked, son. Being popular is the most important thing in the world.
Bart: So like, sometimes you can do stuff that you think is pretty bad so other kids will like you better?
Homer Simpson: You're not talking about killing anyone, are you?
Homer Simpson: A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.
Barney: How long is this going to take?
Bart: About twenty-two minutes and five seconds.
[the average length of an episode without the commercials]
Bart: It's just a statue.
Marge Simpson: It's the statue of the trailblazing founder of our town!
Lisa Simpson: It's a symbol of what we can all do if we put our minds to it!
Homer Simpson: Just a statue? Is the Statue of Liberty just a statue? Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza just a statue?