- Michael Steadman: So, did they really do something illegal?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: No, it's not illegal, but it's leaning towards unethical.
- Michael Steadman: How much of a lean?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, they applied for a grant to do statistical research on absent fathers.
- Michael Steadman: And?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, they put one high-school student on the project and apparently put the rest of the money into unrelated work. How much of a lean is that?
- Michael Steadman: About 45 degrees.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Yeah. Well, you know, it makes the grant committee look sloppy, it makes the city look like idiots, which they do not like.
- Michael Steadman: Right, and if you put this in your article, it's gonna make Race Street look very bad.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, before I write anything, I have to ask Gary what this is all about.
- Michael Steadman: Well, now, wait a minute, Hope. Do you really think he knows about it? It's possible that it predates his involvement.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Great. Then I get to tell Mr. Integrity that his girlfriend fudged the truth to get what she wanted.
- Michael Steadman: Are you still a girlfriend after you get pregnant? Isn't that like, you know, an automatic promotion or something?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: You're being awfully whimsical for a man whose wife is holding a knife.
- Susannah Hart: I can't work. I can't smoke. I can't drink. This isn't a fetus, it's a parole officer.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Hey, how was house-hunting?
- Michael Steadman: Oh, it was, uh, interesting.
- Gary Shepherd: Depressing.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Well, if somebody would volunteer for bath time, I will start dinner.
- Michael Steadman: [taking Janey] Oh, come on, sweetie, want to take a bath? You can play "hide the sponge up Daddy's nose."
- Gary Shepherd: [looking for a bigger apartment to rent] Edison Towers? Why be subtle? Why not just call it Orwellian Nightmare?
- Michael Steadman: You didn't like it, Gar?
- Gary Shepherd: What gave you that idea?
- Michael Steadman: I don't know, I was just, you know, watching your jaw muscles clench on the way down in the elevator.
- Gary Shepherd: All these buildings, they look exactly the same. How are you supposed to remember which one's yours?
- Michael Steadman: Well, see, on your way to work every morning, you just leave breadcrumbs.
- Michael Steadman: You know what I realized the other day? Janey is gonna be 14 in the year 2000. Uh-huh, 14. That is... that is plenty old enough to ask us why the world is the way it is. What are we going to say, "Sorry about the ozone layer, sweetheart, but we were a little focused on your preschool"?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Maybe Gary and Susannah are entitled to hate us.
- Michael Steadman: Oh, I don't think they hate us. I think they're afraid.
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Afraid of what?
- Michael Steadman: I think they're afraid of the kind of intimacy required to be a family. I mean, some people... some people avoid it by doing work. Some people, they avoid it by doing good deeds, but that's not a life. I mean, life isn't only the things that you do, it's who you do the things for.
- Michael Steadman: So, how'd it go at the Inquirer?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: I'm gonna take my husband to lunch. That's how it went.
- Michael Steadman: Oh, no, you got it?
- Hope Murdoch Steadman: Uh-huh.
- Michael Steadman: Oh, all right, I'm very proud of you.
- Elliot Weston: Hey, I read a story in the Enquirer about Liberace's ghostly image coming out of a spaceship.
- Michael Steadman: Philadelphia Inquirer, Elliot, not the National Enquirer.
- Elliot Weston: Well, that's good, too.
- Michael Steadman: You know, sooner or later, you're gonna have to talk to him. I don't like her any more than you do, Melissa.
- Melissa Steadman: I don't hate her. Just her ovum.
- Michael Steadman: Have you considered the possibility that the two of them might be permanent?
- Melissa Steadman: The day Gary gets permanent about anything is the day you'll see fish walking down Walnut Street.