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"Yes Minister" The Moral Dimension (TV Episode 1982) Poster

(TV Series)

(1982)

Quotes

[last lines]

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Superb, Minister!

Bernard Woolley: Thank you, Minister.

James Hacker: Ah well, it was nothing. One must stick by one's friends, eh, Humphrey. And Bernard. Loyalty.

Sir Humphrey ApplebyBernard Woolley: Yes, Minister.

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James Hacker: Will you answer a direct question?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: I strongly advise you not to ask a direct question.

James Hacker: Why?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: It might provoke a direct answer.

James Hacker: Never has yet.

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Bernard Woolley: [Around at the Hackers' flat] Oh, there's that jar from Qumran.

Annie Hacker: Yes, funny enough, a friend of mine was round this afternoon and was frightfully interested in it.

Bernard Woolley: Oh, really?

Annie Hacker: Her name's Jenny Goodwin, from "The Guardian".

Bernard Woolley: The Guardian?

Annie Hacker: She asked where it came from.

Bernard Woolley: A journalist?

Annie Hacker: Yes. Well, the Guardian, anyway. She asked what it was worth. I said about £50.

Bernard Woolley: You said about £50.

Annie Hacker: Yes, funny enough, she thought it was genuine.

Bernard Woolley: She thought it was genuine.

Annie Hacker: Yes. Bernard, you sound like an answering machine.

Bernard Woolley: Oh, I'm sorry.

Annie Hacker: She asked if I mind if she rang up the Qumrany Embassy to ask what it was worth.

Bernard Woolley: To ask what it was worth.

[Annie gives him a strange look]

Bernard Woolley: Oh, ah, so what did you say?

Annie Hacker: Oh, I said by all means. It is only a copy, isn't it, Bernard?

Bernard Woolley: Well, uh, so far as I'm... so I'm... lead to...

[glances at his watch]

Bernard Woolley: Good gracious, is that the time?

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Sir Humphrey Appleby: [Bernard has a problem] Tell me about it.

Bernard Woolley: Well, you know that jar the Minister was given in Qumran? Well, the Minister's wife liked it.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: I expect she did.

Bernard Woolley: Then when I explained the rules to her, she looked terribly sad.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: They always do.

Bernard Woolley: And then she asked was it really worth more than £50 and she said wouldn't it be marvellous if it wasn't and she sort of... looked at me.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: But my dear Bernard, a 17th century vase...

Bernard Woolley: Yes, I know, I know. But there was this terribly nice Qumrany businessman and we had a... a... a conversation and he valued it as a copy, not as an original. £49.95.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: And you believed him?

Bernard Woolley: Well, yes, he said he was an expert and he spoke Arabic awfully well. And so I accepted his valuation in good faith. After all, Islam is a jolly good faith.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Bernard, you took a grave personal risk. You're lucky nobody's been asking any questions.

Bernard Woolley: Well, that's just it, you see, a journalist from the Guardian saw it in the Minister's house and started to ask a lot of questions. Of course, Mrs Hacker said it was a copy, but, well the Press are so... horribly suspicious of things.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Despicable.

Bernard Woolley: So what shall I do?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: The Minister must be told.

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Bernard Woolley: Minister, there's an urgent call for you in the communications room. A Mr Haig.

James Hacker: General Haig?

Bernard Woolley: No, MR Haig. You know, with the dimples.

James Hacker: Yes, yes. Do excuse me. Most important.

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James Hacker: Bernard. Wanted in the communications room. A Mr John Walker.

Bernard Woolley: Johnnie Walker?

James Hacker: Yes, from the Scotch Office... Sorry. Scottish Office.

Annie Hacker: Isn't there a message for me?

James Hacker: Yes, of course. Bernard will get it for you if you give him your glass. If you... give him your glass, he'll get you some more orange juice.

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James Hacker: Bernard, any messages?

Bernard Woolley: Well, there is one for Sir Humphrey.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh, good.

Bernard Woolley: The Soviet Embassy on the line. Mr Smirnoff.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Sorry. So sorry.

James Hacker: Isn't there one for me?

Bernard Woolley: There was a message from the Embassy, the school - a delegation of Teachers.

James Hacker: Ah, I must go and greet the Teachers... before the Bells goes... bell goes!

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Bernard Woolley: Minister, can I have a private word with Sir Humphrey?

James Hacker: You may speak freely, Bernie.

Bernard Woolley: Yes... Oh, there was a message for you in the communications room. The VAT man, your 69 returns.

James Hacker: What?

Bernard Woolley: VAT 69.

James Hacker: Oh. Ah! Yes... thanks.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that the minister has had almost as many urgent messages as he can take.

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James Hacker: Ah, Lawrence of Arabia, you're wanted in the communications room.

Sir Humphrey Appleby: Oh, good. Er, who is it?

James Hacker: Napoleon!

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James Hacker: [regarding Sir Humphrey telling the press about Hacker arranging to drink illegally in an Islamic country] You mean to tell me that - if I say... then you will t-tell...? Drop me in the...?

Sir Humphrey Appleby: In the moral dimension.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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