[the Minister asks for a different chair for his desk]
Bernard Woolley: It used to be said there were two kinds of chairs to go with two kinds of Ministers: one sort that folds up instantly, the other sort goes round and round in circles.
[Jim Hacker is being introduced to his new position as Minister]
James Hacker: Who else is in this department?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: Well briefly, sir, I am the Permanent Under Secretary of State, known as the Permanent Secretary. Woolley here is your Principal Private Secretary, I too have a Principal Private Secretary and he is the Principal Private Secretary to the Permanent Secretary. Directly responsible to me are ten Deputy Secretaries, eighty-seven Under Secretaries and two hunddred and nineteen Assistant Secretaries. Directly responsible to the Principal Private Secretaries are plain Private Secretaries, and the Prime Minister will be appointing two Parliamentary Under-Secretaries and you will be appointing your own Parliamentary Private Secretary.
James Hacker: Do they all type?
Sir Humphrey Appleby: None of us can type, Minister. Mrs. McKay types. She's the secretary.
James Hacker: You do overreact to everything so. *The telephone rings and he hurriedly reaches for it
James Hacker: What are you looking for?
Annie Hacker: Cigarette, I can't find any.
James Hacker: Cigarette box.
Annie Hacker: It's empty.
James Hacker: Take a librium.
Annie Hacker: I can't find the librium; that's why I'm looking for a cigarette.
James Hacker: *There is a ringing noise Hello? Hello? Hello?
Annie Hacker: Darling; that's the front door.
Frank Weisel: Did you know that Martin's got the Foreign Office?
James Hacker: Has he?
Frank Weisel: Jack's got Health, Fred's got energy.
Annie Hacker: Has anybody got brains?
James Hacker: You mean Education?
Annie Hacker: No, I know what I mean.
James Hacker: Well what's left? I mean what have I got?
Annie Hacker: Rhythm?