- John Colton: I'll never understand women as long as I live.
- Yancy Derringer: Isn't it fascinating trying?
- Yancy Derringer: You look like a man who just found out it is spring, and the salmon are swimming upstream.
- [Talking to John Colton]
- Lavinia Lake: One thousand, fifteen hundred, two thousand. I believe that was the amount agreed upon.
- Crane: Exactly.
- Spade Stuart: If I had known such a pretty soul required my services, I would have donated them for nothing, ah, for at least the pleasure of your company.
- Crane: This time we'll do it for money.
- [examining Stuart's dueling pistols]
- Willy Nilly: Just think of it - twenty-seven men right between the eyes.
- Spade Stuart: Not always, Willy Nilly - only when there's no grudge. For people I don't like, a liver shot is considerably more painful and just as mortal.
- Yancy Derringer: [narrating] The pattern had become more clear. Spade Stuart, champion of The Oaks, had come to our town with a brace of pistols, powder and balls to terminate the career of John Colton in an affair of honor. That's the insidious thing about a duel; there is sometimes no honorable way of avoiding one.
- Lavinia Lake: You hurt him!
- Yancy Derringer: It's a big improvement over being dead.
- Spade Stuart: You better keep your nose out of this, Mr. Derringer. This is an affair of honor.
- Yancy Derringer: This is an affair of murder.
- Yancy Derringer: Mr. Stuart, did you challenge me? Weren't you the one who says only a fool becomes angry; that an angry man challenges and loses the choice of weapons; that an angry man can't shoot very straight?
- [last lines]
- Yancy Derringer: You had better be very careful of the company you keep, Miss Lake, because as you can see sometimes there is no justice.
- Lavinia Lake: When will we see you again?
- Yancy Derringer: Thirty days?
- John Colton: Mm-hmm.
- Miss Mandarin: Please, Yancy, for me, no trouble.
- Yancy Derringer: For you, anything.
- Miss Mandarin: Spade Stuart is a very dangerous man.
- Yancy Derringer: And you are a very dangerous woman. Very beautiful, untouchable, unattainable. You make it very hard on my nerves when I'm lonely.
- Spade Stuart: So you're Yancy Derringer, huh? You didn't invent the weapon, did you?
- Yancy Derringer: No, but I find that it comes in very handy.
- Spade Stuart: You have quite a reputation here in town. You're almost as famous as I am.
- Yancy Derringer: You're not famous, Mr. Stuart - just notorious.
- John Colton: Hang it all, Yancy, what do you do with a beautiful girl like that?
- Yancy Derringer: What would I do?
- John Colton: No! What would I do?
- Yancy Derringer: Well, I would start with a light lunch, light conversation, light wine and heavy complements; finish with a gay dinner, gay champagne, gay flowers, gay music and threats of suicide if she spurns you. That way she may forget her glove.
- John Colton: What does that mean?
- Yancy Derringer: That means tomorrow you can return it and start all over again. Sooner or later, something has to give.
- John Colton: But suppose she doesn't forget her glove?
- Yancy Derringer: Ha! Steal it.