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TEASER

Alexis (Claire Stansfield) waits on a dark dirt road. A car drives up and flashes its lights. Alexis gets out and walks over to Gillis. He hands her a briefcase which she opens to reveal Xena's chakram and under that, a single strand of blonde hair and a single strand of black hair together in a vial. Alexis shuts the case and takes it. She hands Gillis a wallet. He opens it to reveal a wad of cash. They each head back to their cars.

Polly (Polly Baigent), Lea (Alison Wall) and Mac (Ian Hughes) are watching "Them Bones, Them Bones." The home is covered in Xena merchandise. The phone rings, but no one moving to answer it. Mac finally answers it - it's Alexis. Mac alerts the others who it is and they sit up, paying attention. Alexis tells them that phase one is complete and asks them if they have the clips. Mac says they are almost done. Alexis asks if they have a balance selection. Mac says he wants more Joxer. Alexis tells him that any disagreements are to be settled by Lea because of her knowledge of psychological profiles. Alexis asks him if he has Dr. Polly, which he confirms he does. Alexis tells them to meet her in her lab.

Polly, Mac and Lea run into Alexis' lab. Lea is wearing the Gabrielle scroll, season five shirt, Mac is wearing a non-existent Joxer shirt and Polly is wearing the "Love is a trick natures plays to get us to reproduce" shirt. Clones of Xena (Lucy Lawless) and Gabrielle (Renee O'Connor) lay naked on slabs, their chest and pelvises covered by the clamps that are holding them up. The Gabrielle clone has long hair.

ACT ONE

Lab. Alexis tells them that the clones are physically complete, but they need to use the clips to bring them to life. Polly says the world is going to be a better place with Xena and Gabrielle in it. Alexis says they are just clones until they give them the memories and personalities of the real Xena and Gabrielle. Alexis asks about the discs and Mac gets them, warning that Lea put in too many Gabrielle clips. Lea defends her choice saying that Gabrielle was the most relationship to Xena. Polly says that they didn't bring them back to counsel the lovelorn, but to kick ass. Alexis asks Polly to prepare the clones for download.

Wires are run to the clones. The Xenites argue over what clips to use. Alexis says to start with Polly's selection, which is the fighting clips. Mac hits a few buttons and the screens in the room play action clips from "Xena". Polly frowns and looks over at the clones as the clips play on the screens. She looks back to the screens. Polly looks at the clones again and then moves over to them. She presses a button on the monitor and tells the others that they are not responding. Alexis turns off the clips. The Xenites talk about what other clips to play to try to wake them up, but Alexis says it's enough for today. The Xenites leave, Polly telling the others how she ordered their costumes.

Later that night, someone sneaks into the lab and removes Gabrielle's hook-up from the downloads. The person then puts in an "Evil Xena #1" CD in the computer. "Evil Xena" flashes on the screens and then clips of evil Xena play. The Xena clone's face twitches, then snarls.

ACT TWO

Lea enters the lab with Alexis. Lea wears the "Friendship" shirt. Polly and Mac have dressed Xena and Gabrielle in their season six outfits. Gabrielle's hair has been cut. Polly is wearing the "Chicks kick ass" shirt. Lea freaks out that Mac cut Gabrielles hair because she wanted Gabrielles hair long like classic Gabby. Mac replies, "Only in the reruns, Babe." He hands her the hair which she holds to her nose. Mac moves over to the computer. Mac finds the Evil Xena disc and says that he didn't compile the footage. Alexis asks how someone got into the lab. Polly moves over to the monitors attached to the Xena clone saying that her life signs have elevated; they'll wake up soon. Lea is worried if the good or evil Xena will wake up. Lea says they need to play Gabrielle clips now. Alexis agrees. They all move over to the computer and play Gabrielle clips. Polly turns off the footage after awhile, sick of the lovey-dovey crap. Lea agrees that they need to put in Polly's Gabrielle clips of Gabrielle kicking ass. Alexis pauses the clips saying they need positive input for Xena now to counteract the evil images. Mac plays clips that show the consequences of Xena's past. The Xena clone opens her eyes. She takes the wires off of her head and looks at them in confusion. She throws the old chakram that was hanging from her side. Xena catches the chakram and returns it to the clip, but it breaks. Alexis smiles. Polly, Lea and Mac stand perfectly still, their backs to the clones. Xena walks up behind them and puts the Pinch on Mac and demands to know what is going on. Mac looks at his watch, timing the Pinch.

ACT THREE

Alexis tells everyone to stay calm. The Gabrielle clone wakes up. Alexis tells them that they are clones and are now in the future. Mac is still timing how long he has until the Pinch kills him and motions for them to hurry. Gabrielle asks Xena if she should be taking the Pinch off, which she does. Mac is happy he just got Pinched by Xena. Xena asks why they were brought here. Lea brings up news footage on the screen of fires, riots and people shooting guns, telling them about modern horrors. Polly says they need someone to kick butt and Xena says she's the right one for that. Xena says they are hungry and the Xenites give them doughnuts, calling them chakrams you can eat. Xena licks the doughnut.

Xena, Gabrielle, Lea, Polly, Mac and Alexis are watching Xena clips. Xena has a pizza in her lap and a slice in her hand, while Gabrielle is drinking a shake. Gabrielle watches the clip and laughs. Xena eats her pizza and burps quietly. Xena and Gabrielle watch as a clip of them kissing from "Return of Callisto" plays on the screen. Gabrielle looks at Xena with an odd look. Xena smiles and says, "All right." A clip plays and Xena corrects it. Polly is impressed they can access real Xena and Gabrielle memories. Mac asks them what they think of the show and Xena says she likes Lucy Lawless because she's hot. Gabrielle mocks the writing. Xena stands and the pizza box falls off of her lab. Gabrielle stands with her. Xena asks what's next and Gabrielle says they need to find a mission. Xena isn't interested in the greater good this time she says. Xena moves off, talking about having to use the bathroom, interested that in this time they have a whole room for that purpose. Alexis tells Gabrielle shes worried they work up the dark Xena. She and Gabrielle leave. Polly, Mac and Lea sit down and continue watching "Return of the Valkyrie."

Gabrielle and Alexis are outside. Police arrive and Alexis tells them Gabrielle is the one who broke into the lab. She says Gabrielle is crazy because she's dressed like a televisions character. Gabrielle draws her sais. The Police officers draw their guns. Alexis reminds her what guns can do from videos they watched earlier. In the lab, Alexis enters and tells Xena that Gabrielle has been arrested. She tells her that the police are local warlords. Alexis gives her directions to the jail. Xena starts to head out. Alexis pulls out the chakram, the real one, and throws it to Xena. Xena leaves. Lea says Alexis has caused Xena to go into direct conflict with the authorities. Alexis transforms into Alti (Claire Stansfield) and laughs.

ACT FOUR

Mac asks why and Alti says she has spent countless incarnations enjoying that Xena's reputation as a hero had been lost, because she hid the scrolls when Xena died. Then the TV show started, celebrating Xena as a defender of righteousness, so she had to do something about it. On the TV a news report talks about Xena creating a reign of terror in the streets. She's broken Gabrielle out of jail. The newswoman warns that Xena is armed and highly dangerous. Alti is happy about the report. Lea observes that Alti cloned an evil Xena to discredit her. Alti replies that Xena wasn't always an angel, but now, thanks to the show everyone thinks shes a great hero, but soon they will know the truth. And when Xena is alienated from goodness, she'll follow Alti and they'll rule the world. Alexis tells the Xenites to move. They don't, until Alti glares at them and they run. Alti follows.

Xena and Gabrielle are in a junk yard. The workers are fleeing. Xena is wearing protective eye and ear wear while she uses a power sander to finish up the sword she is making because guns are useless. She accidentally fires the weapon down. A cat meows. She tosses it over her shoulder and it goes off again. Xena picks up her new sword. Gabrielle says she could have killed someone, but Xena observes that they had her locked up, so what did she want her to do? Alti roars in, in her red sports car. She steps out. The Xenites are in the back seat. Gabrielle tells her not to listen. Alti asks Xena if she remembers what they used to have and clips from Alti episodes play. The Xenites get out of Alti's car. Alti works to turn Xena against Gabrielle. Gabrielle asks Xena to remember what they accomplished and clips of their good deeds play. Xena snarls, shoves Gabrielle out of the way and attacks Alti. Gabrielle moves over to the Xenites and takes them to safety. Alti gets into her car and starts trying to run Xena over with it. Xena is hit by the car and goes flying over it. Alti crashes. A live wire is knocked loose. Alti looks for Xena. Xena can be heard running on top of the car. She drops down beside the driver's side window. She reaches into the window, punches Alti and then pulls her out and tosses her. Xena moves to attack Alti who picks up the wire and holds it in front of her, trying to hit Xena with it. Xena jumps up. Xena kicks Alti who lands under a crane that is holding a car in the air. The wire hits Alti's car which starts to spark, charged with the electricity. Xena throws the chakram which cuts the wire holding up the car. It lands on Alti. Xena catches her chakram and moves over to the car. Alti is suddenly behind Xena. She shoves Xena. They fight. Alti punches Xena and sends her flying into the air. Polly stands and starts marching over to Alti. Shes had enough of this. Polly shows some moves. Alti hits her across the face and Polly falls down unconscious. Xena and Alti battle once more. Alti grabs Xena and starts to shove her back towards the car. Xena drops and rolls onto her back, launching Alti with her leg. Alti hits the car and is fried. A spark hits some oil which lights on fire. Gabrielle and the Xenites are hiding behind "Flammable Liquid" barrels. Xena runs over to them. Xena holds her hand out, ready to boast them out. Lea moves over to Xena and Mac pushes through. Mac is boasted up, then Lea and then Polly. The fire moves closer. Gabrielle wraps her arms around Xena and Xena closes her eyes. The barrels explode. The Xenites look down from where they are, but there is no sign of Xena or Gabrielle.

Polly, Lea and Mac walk along, sad that there was nothing left of the clones. They wonder if it was for the best as they were messing with nature. Polly says they were more dynamic on TV anyway. A cab drives by. Xena and Gabrielle are in the backseat. They click wine glasses together and drink. The Xenites don't see them.

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