Jack McFarland: [TO OWEN] Uh, excuse me. As Aretha said to Gloria, Celine, Shania, and Mariah during Divas Live...
Jack McFarland: "Are you trippin'? No one interrupts the Queen of Soul, bitch. Ok?"
Owen: Well, I believe she also said, "Hey, Cuba, Canada, cowgirl, Crazy, get out of my light and away from my snacks, bitch."
Grace: Hey, I know I said it before, but I hate men. Here's an update, now they hate me. Just now in the grocery store I was flirting with that cute produce guy...
Grace: gave him the hair...
[Grace flips her hair]
Grace: the eyes...
[Grace gives a sexy stare]
Grace: the teeth.
[Grace smiles, showing her teeth]
Grace: He asked me if I needed something to keep me from swallowing my tongue.
Will: So you got dissed by some guy in the produce department, big deal.
Grace: Did I not mention what happened in the meat, dairy, and cutomer service departments.
Jack: Hey, H.R. Desperate-Stuff, stop trying to pick up guys in the grocery store, huh.
Grace: Did I not mention what also happened in the hardware store, drug store, liquor store, and Big Apple Circus.
Will: So... do people really think I'm a gigolo?
Karen: [giggles] Yeah...
Will: Well, let's give them something to talk about!
Will: [Will leans in and gives Karen a passionate kiss]
Karen: Wow... now I can see why Grace married you!
Jack McFarland: [Jack suspects Owen, his competition for a spot in the Manhattan Gay Men's Chorus, is really straight] Hug me.
Jack McFarland: Well, I feel - I feel that we're close now. We shared.
Jack McFarland: Ooh, interesting. You gave me the straight-guy-double-pat-on-the-back-no-hip-contact hug.
Owen: Actually it was more the gay-guy-bend-at-the-waist-feel-your-delts-check-out-your-shoes hug.
Jack McFarland: Ah, yes, how could I have mistaken the two. Heh.
Owen: Whoops, my hand seems to be traveling up your thigh towards your ROCKIN' ASS. But who cares right? Cause I'm gay. So it's all right if I tell you you're beautiful, throw you down on this couch and make out with you fiercely, right?
Grace: Yup, because you're gay, I should be on top.
[Start making out]
Grace: Ya know, you're a good kisser for a gay guy, and I've kissed a lot of gay guys.
[enter Jack with camera]
Jack: Got you, you sick straight bastard.
Grace: Jack get lost, I'm not done.
Owen: You don't have any proof.
Jack: I have photos.
Owen: There's no film in that camera.
Jack: Of course there is.
[He rips the film out of the camera]
Jack: See? Like I'd be stupid enough not to put film in my own camera.
[singing 'Wishin' & Hopin']
Jack: Wishin' and a-Hopin'...
Owen: Dreamin' and a-Prayin'...
Jack: Lyin' and a-Cheatin'.
Owen: Tubby and a-Tone Deaf.
- STOP IT.
Will: So, where's the movie? Did you get "The Age of Innocence" the way I asked?
Jack McFarland: [acting innocent] Oh, I'm sorry, I must have mis-heard you. I thought you said to rent, "Turn Your Head and Cough: Army Physicals Caught on Tape".
[Will smiles in approval]